Stay Illogical
by mrebecca83084
Summary: Postprom fic...My take on what might happen after the fiasco that was prom...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

His hands held onto my wrists as he looked down at me trying to read my thoughts. My breath was still as I tried to figure out what he was telling me. Why did I feel so confused hearing him talking to me like this?

"Alright I will walk away from this…from you…if you can honestly tell me that you don't love me…that you're not in love with me…"

What was he talking about? Why was he giving me an ultimatum about something that to this very moment I wasn't even sure was an issue. Sure we had flirted but that was just the way Aiden and I were with one another. If this was how he felt about me then why was he with Kyla? Why would he tell me this now?

I looked at him still trying to figure out what it was that he wanted me to say in return. He obviously thought that I would profess my undying love back to him. Sure I loved him but not as more than a brother…right?

I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear Spencer walk up to us. Aiden's hands were still covering my own and I barely noticed that his fingers were caressing mine.

"Ms. Davies…May I please have this last dance? That is if Aiden will let you…" I saw her face crease out of the corner of my eye as she looked at Aiden, our hands, and then at me. I didn't know what to say as a look of concern took over her features. "Wait…What's…What's Wrong?"

I still couldn't speak and kept looking at Aiden until he finally spoke.

"Spencer, I'm sorry. I know you told me to back off…" He said in a frustrated tone towards Spencer.

I looked at Spencer in disbelief not knowing why she would tell Aiden to back off. How could she go behind my back and tell my best friend to back off from our friendship?

"You did what?" I said feeling betrayed. "You had no right to do that…"

I watched as her eyes looked back and forth at Aiden and I worry building and building. She turned and began to run to the front of the school. I turned my eyes to Aiden who had a bewildered expression on his face. I glanced back at Spencer and decided to run after her to find out what was going on.

She ran through the crowd and I chased her trying not to fall over in my heels. I could hear Aiden's heavy footsteps following us as I tried to catch up to Spencer.

"Spencer…would you slow down!" I cried as she weaved in and out between the couples walking along the sidewalk.

She refused to slow down and kept running. "What!?!" She screamed back at me as we approached the front of the school.

I had almost fully caught up with her. "Would you at least talk to me please?" I cried as she finally slowed and turned to me.

Aiden caught up to where we were. "Spencer, I'm sorry ok…if I could be with Kyla I would…but I…I just can't."

I felt a feeling of shock go through my body as Spencer turned on Aiden. "You already had your chance with Ashley!"

I looked at her and Aiden as they fought between themselves over me. This was not how this night was supposed to go.

"It doesn't work that way…alright? You can't just cut off who you love…"

I lowered my head and couldn't believe what was going on. I saw as Kyla came up to where we were standing with a confused look on her face trying to figure out what was happening.

"You love?" Spencer said in disbelief. She turned her watery blue eyes to me and shook her head as her body began to shake. "Oh please don't do this…"

I had heard enough of this back and forth between my best friend and girlfriend.

"No…ok…just stop it." I said looking at both of them. "Both of you…I decide who I love…" I told them as the situation was overwhelming me.

My heart broke as I saw the emotion rise in Spencer after the words left my mouth.

"Then just decide!" She screamed at me with tears in her eyes.

I looked into her pain-filled eyes trying to find the right words to say. My heart was beating a mile a minute and my whole world felt like it had come crashing down all around me.

Before I had a chance to finally speak a voice rang out in the crowd. "GUN!"

I looked around as people began to duck and run in every which direction they could. I tried to move Spencer closer to me as Aiden looked around. I heard the gun shots as screams erupted all around us.

"Aiden!" I cried trying to get my hand on Spencer's wrist to pull her down to the ground with me.

I saw Clay covering Chelsea's body as they fell to the ground. I also saw Glen pulling Madison to the ground as the gun fire continued. I had a hold on Spencer's wrist for a split second but couldn't hold on as Aiden's body moved down to cover my own. I saw Spencer falling next to Aiden and it was like I couldn't reach her.

"Aiden, help!" I cried as he pulled Spencer under him.

I heard the tires of a car peel out quickly as the gun fire ended. I was crushed underneath Aiden's body and my only thoughts were of Spencer. I pushed on Aiden's chest trying to lift him off of me.

He rolled off of me and looked around at the aftermath of the drive by. I noticed Kyla to the side of us covered in dirt but seemingly ok. I turned my head around to find Spencer and noticed that she hadn't moved. My heart began to beat faster and faster as the thought of her being shot hit me hard.

"Spencer…" I cried as I turned her body over so that she was facing me. I could see scratches on her face from where her face had struck the pavement but she still hadn't opened her eyes. "Spencer…baby…please…open your eyes." I said as tears fell down my face. I brushed strands of blonde hairs out of her face hoping that she was alright.

I turned my head trying to figure out what I was going to do when I felt a soft hand on my arm. I looked at her and found her sad blue eyes looking back into my own.

"Oh god Spence…are you ok?" I said pulling her body into my chest.

"I…I think so…" She said still in shock.

I held onto her tightly and kissed her forehead. I could feel her arms tighten around my body and I turned my head around. I saw Aiden looking at the two of us and I shook my head and squeezed Spencer tighter.

"Nooo…" I heard coming from Chelsea and Clay's direction. Spencer and I jumped to our feet and quickly made our way over to Chelsea. I looked down and saw that Clay was lying motionless on top of Chelsea's body. Glen rushed over and lightly turned his brother over to lie on his back.

I gasped as I saw the red stain covering the front of Chelsea's white dress and I heard a sob escape Spencer's mouth. I turned my head and saw Spencer shaking her head from side to side as she watched Glen check Clay's pulse.

"Clay…come on…Clay" Glen said over and over as the tears fell down his face.

I stood and watched unable to move as Glen continued to keep his brother alive. I could see Clay's labored breaths as he tried to breathe. Chelsea was still screaming as she watched him dying before her eyes.

"Why are you all just standing around!" Kyla cried at all of us. She reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone. She pounded the keys on her phone and placed the phone to her ear. Her hand was running through her hair as she waited for an answer on the other end.

I saw Madison as she snapped out of her daze and moved closer to Glen placing a hand on his sobbing shoulders. Glen shrugged her hand off and continued to work on his brother's body. She stood and our eyes locked as I saw the pain and sadness that had taken over her.

"Hello?...Hello!...Yes this is an emergency…there's been a shooting…yes a shooting…at King High School…King!...Please we need an ambulance…people are hurt…hurry!" She yelled into the phone before slamming it shut.

Aiden moved towards Glen and tried to offer a hand but Glen shot him a death stare and he backed off with his hands raised in defeat. He looked at me and I could tell that even though Spencer's brother lay dying on the ground he still wanted to know what my answer was. I couldn't believe that this was the only thing on his mind and turned away.

I turned towards Spencer and saw the crazed look that was looking down at her two brothers. I walked closer and pulled her in for a hug stroking her soft hair with my hand.

"Get off me…" She cried pushing me off. I refused to let go of her and felt her struggle against me. "Don't touch me!" She screamed again this time dislodging herself out of my arms.

I looked at her and had no idea what to do. She pushed me to the ground and made her way over to her brothers.

"Clay! You can't leave me…please…I need you…Clay…" She said sobbing into his chest.

Glen wrapped his arms around Spencer's shoulders as the sound of sirens broke through the silence that had fallen over the entire crowd. She held onto Glen tightly as sob after sob took over her body.

I wanted to reach out to her at that moment but Spencer had already pushed me away from her. I should be the one holding her in my arms trying to calm her and telling her that it would be ok; but I wasn't.

The lights of the ambulance and police cars came into view as they came to a stop to our side. The men and women jumped out of the cars frantically looking around for those who had been seriously injured. One of the paramedics saw Clay and rushed over with his medical bag lightly shoving Glen and Spencer back away from Clay's body.

I watched as he checked Clay's pulse and started the life-saving techniques. After repeated efforts, the man stood up with his shoulders hanging down. He looked towards Spencer and Glen and shook his head. A scream came from Spencer's mouth as her body fell to the ground. Glen stood in shock as the paramedic rushed over to Chelsea to see if she needed any help.

"Clay!!!" Spencer screamed into the ground with all her might.

I watched her break down in front of me and I threw aside my feelings of rejection and stepped forward to try to comfort her. She didn't pull away this time and I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She pounded her fists into my back continuing to scream for the loss of her brother.

"Kids." An older policeman's voice said to us. "We are going to need you to clear the scene. You should try calling your parents and let them know that you are ok." He turned his eyes to Spencer and looked at her with a concerned look. "Miss…I'm very sorry for your loss."

Spencer fell limp in my arms as the policeman left. I looked over at Glen and saw he was still standing motionless as he stared down at his brother's body. I motioned over to Kyla who was on the phone telling whoever it was on the other end about the shooting and that she was alright.

She rushed over to Spencer and me and looked down with concern. "Are you ok? Did you get hit?"

I shook my head as I held Spencer tighter to my chest. "Kyla…I need you to call the Carlins. Please…" I said stroking Spencer's hair.

"Is Clay…?" She asked as other paramedics were pulling up to the school.

I glanced over at Clay's lifeless body and felt the pain hit my chest as I choked back a sob. I nodded my head slowly and heard Kyla cry as she found out the news. "Please…Kyla…call them." I choked out.

She nodded as the tears flowed down her face. She picked up her phone and quickly dialed Spencer's parents. She looked at me with a growing concern as she hung up and redialed.

"Ashley…there's no answer…" She said redialing once more.

"Give me that." I said holding out my hand. She placed the phone in my hand and I dialed the number.

I could hear ring after ring on the other end; no one picking up the phone. Where are they?


	2. Chapter 2

Howdy! Ok so I have been going crazy with the way we are supposed to format on this site…so when there is a flashback I will put it in italics…when there is a different POV I will put a line separating the text…hopefully that is easier for people to follow while reading…I'm going to keep working on this whole formatting thing and hope that I can figure it out…enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Two**

'GUN!...GUN!...GUN!' I tossed and turned as the sound of that one word repeated over and over. 'GUN!...GUN!...GUN!'

I opened my eyes and squinted as a harsh brightness hit me straight on. It was so bright that I couldn't focus on anything. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before trying to see again. This time the brightness was not as strong and I looked to my side to see a large window with many people passing by mixed expressions on their faces as some walked and others rushed by.

My head was killing me and I couldn't remember how I had gotten here. Of course where here was I had no idea. I rolled over onto my back and looked down at my legs to see a blanket covering my body. The tubes and machinery around me helped me realize where I was.

How did I get here? Why am I here? What happened tonight? Why can't I remember?

So many questions were going through my mind as I lay there staring at the ceiling. I felt a sharp pain on my back and tried to reach the area with my hand.

I reached and reached but couldn't touch where the pain was. It was a tremendous pain and it was bringing tears to my eyes.

I looked around the room to see if anyone was there so that they could explain what was going on with me but there was no one. I opened my mouth to call out but my voice failed. I swallowed my saliva and tried once more but to no avail.

I remembered that there was a call button on every bed in the hospital and I searched frantically. I found the button and pressed it repeatedly.

A young woman in a nurse's outfit rushed into the room and looked at me with concern. She checked the machines I was hooked up to and quickly left the room. I tried to call her back but again no words would come.

Tears began to well up in my eyes with the amount of frustration and confusion that was going through my body. I felt alone in this room and wondered where everyone had gone.

I noticed the door open slightly and squinted to see Ashley sneaking in through the door. She looked back out the door as if to check if the close was clear and softly closed the door behind her. She approached my bed and reached for my hand.

She looked down at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen and I knew something was terribly wrong. Was I paralyzed? Was I dying? What happened?

I opened and closed my mouth to speak to her but couldn't. She noticed that I was trying to talk and ran to get some water. She made her way back to the bed and held the cup to my mouth letting the water pass slowly through my lips.

The liquid went down my throat freeing up my muscles and finally allowing my voice to break through. I looked up at Ashley with a look of confusion and she looked back at me with a look of despair.

"What…What happened to me?" I choked out.

"A bullet grazed your back…"

"A bullet? Who tried to shoot me?" I asked not understanding what was going on.

"Some stupid gang bangers…they weren't after you…but they never are and that's why innocent people get hurt…" She said with disgust.

"So…I'm going to be ok?"

She nodded her head and a small smile crossed her face as she stroked my cheek softly.

"Where did they do the shooting? The last thing I remember is leaving the house for prom…" I said trying to think back to the events of that night. Nothing came to my mind after we took our pre-prom photo in my house.

"You don't remember anything after that?" Ashley said with a look of worry and if I didn't know any better a small look of relief as well.

"Not really…I had this horrible nightmare where someone kept screaming 'Gun' over and over but nothing else stands out."

"We were leaving prom when the shooting happened." She said quickly.

"Oh god…did anyone else get hurt? I mean are Glen and Clay hurt? Chelsea…what about her baby? And Kyla…please don't tell me anyone got hurt." I said feeling my heart begin to pound faster and faster as the thoughts of my friends and brothers being hurt passed through my mind.

Ashley lowered her head and took my hand in her own. I could feel her fingers trembling in my hand as a tear fell down her face.

"Oh god…what is it? You have to tell me Ashley!" I screamed at her.

"I don't know if I can Spencer." She said squeezing my hand.

"Tell me Ashley…I have a right to know."

"Glen is fine….Chelsea and the baby are safe…Kyla is alright also…" She paused and looked into my eyes and I could see the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Ok you mentioned Glen, Chelsea, Kyla and the baby…What about Clay?" I asked staring into her eyes.

She closed her eyes and my heart nearly exploded in my chest. I knew something was wrong something terribly wrong.

"What about Clay??? Tell me Ashley!!!" I yelled at her demanding an answer.

"Clay…" She choked back a sob and I knew right then what she was going to tell me.

I shook my head over and over wanting to just wake up from this bad dream. Wake up Spencer…Wake up!

"No…no…no…" I repeated over and over wanting to break something.

"I'm so sorry Spencer." Ashley said in an almost whisper.

"Nooo…Nooo…You're lying! You have to be lying! Life wouldn't be this unfair…It's a lie…Tell me it's a lie!" I screamed into the room.

"Clay's gone."

"NOOO!!!" I screamed once more before everything went black.

"_It doesn't work that way…alright? You can't just cut off who you love…"_

_Who you love? Who you love? I knew Aiden had strong feelings still for Ashley but love? This wasn't happening…this can't be happening._

"_You love?" I said back to him in disbelief. I turned my eyes to Ashley's and felt the tears forming in my eyes as my body began to shake uncontrollably. "Oh please don't do this…"_

_I couldn't read Ashley's expression but I knew that this was something that was not going to end well. Did she still love him? Did she ever love me?_

"_No…ok…just stop it." I looked at Ashley anxiously as she let the frustration take over her. "Both of you…I decide who I love…" _

_Decide? What decision needs to be made? She was supposed to love me not Aiden. My concerns about their close friendship were now coming full force into the spotlight and I couldn't handle this._

"_Then just decide!" I screamed at her wanting a clear answer for once. Does she love me? Did she ever?_

"Oh god!" I gasped as I opened my eyes. I was having problems controlling my breathing and noticed that Ashley's head was on my hand.

I quickly realized where I was again and remembered the terrible news that knocked me out of my senses. My brother was gone. Clay was gone. All the goodness that I once thought was in this world had been taken away from me from our family.

A senseless death over a stupid grudge. Anger built inside of me as I remembered the screams of the other students as the bullets were fired recklessly. I clenched my fists and wished that the cowards who destroyed everything were here so that I could hurt them right back.

Ashley raised her head and looked at me with tired eyes. She focused on my face and moved back slightly when she saw the anger in my eyes.

"Spencer? Are you ok?" She asked hesitantly.

"Get out." I told her sternly.

"But…" She looked at me with a look of confusion as I glared back at her.

"Get out." I repeated again still with clenched fists.

"I'm not leaving you." She said refusing to move from the chair she was occupying.

"I remember what happened." I said searching her eyes for her reaction. She flinched slightly probably afraid of what I was going to say.

"What do you remember?"

I let out an angry laugh and shook my head. "You and Aiden…I knew that something was going on…and you kept denying it over and over."

"Spencer there is nothing going on between Aiden and me." She said defiantly.

"Don't…just don't…I saw you two on that dance floor…his hands on yours…you couldn't even look at me…"

"I was in shock Spencer…he just sprung all this stuff on me…I didn't know how to react." She cried throwing her hands up in the air.

"Ashley…just go…please…I can't even look at you right now…why don't you go run to Aiden…leave me alone to grieve for my brother." I said turning my head to the other side of the room and closing my eyes.

I couldn't hear a sound but I knew she was still standing there. I willed myself to not look back at her telling myself that it was better this way. I couldn't deal with this not when my brother was laying somewhere cold and alone.

I heard a sob break through the thick silence and I bit my lip knowing that Ashley was beginning to break. Another sob came out and I heard a loud pound on the door before silence came. I turned my head and saw that I was alone once more.

I tried to sit up in my bed but was met with a sharp pain in my back. I felt helpless and all I wanted to do was find Clay. I had to get to Clay and tell him that I loved him. He has to know that I love him.

The door opens again and my heart begins to pound thinking that Ashley had come back. My heart slowed as I saw Glen walk in a distant and hollow look on his face. He walked over to my bed and looked at me. The emotion I saw behind his eyes resembled that which I was feeling inside my own body.

"Glen…" I said lightly touching his arm.

My touch seemed to open the floodgates of his emotions and he fell to his knees next to my bed letting out a loud yell. I tried to reach for him but I couldn't move. Sob after sob racked through his body and I could feel my own tears falling down my face as I watched my strong brother be reduced to tears.

"Oh god Spencer…Oh god…" He said pounding his fists into the side of my bed. He pounded harder and harder and I began to worry that he would hurt himself.

"Glen…stop…Glen…GLEN!" I yelled once more and his movements ceased. I saw one bloodied hand reach for my own and I took it gingerly careful not to touch the fresh wounds.

"They are going to pay…" I heard him mutter under his breath.

"Who Glen?" I asked softly knowing how fragile he was at this moment.

"Those bastards that did this to our family…they are all going to pay…" He said clenching his fists.

"Glen please don't say that." I pleaded with him.

"Why not Spencer? Our brother is dead! Clay is dead! Why should scum like that get to walk the streets when our brother who did nothing wrong is gone! They are going to pay…"

"Glen…look at me…" He refused to look at my face. "Glen…look at me!" I demanded again. He reluctantly looked at me and I began to cry. "Clay is gone…I…I can't lose you too."

The realization of what I had just said passed through his eyes and he lowered his body pulling me into a hug.

"Oh god Spencer…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" He said over and over.

"Shh…its ok Glen…we need to be strong…we need to be strong…" I said clinging to his shattered body. Yes, we needed to be strong. I needed to be strong for Clay.


	3. Chapter 3

Howdy! Here's chapter three! Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Three**

My hand was throbbing. I looked down at the red mark on my palm from where I struck the door to Spencer's room. I don't think I broke it but I could have if I had tried harder.

I had been rejected by Spencer twice tonight. Once, at the school right after the shooting. Again, here in her room after she finally let everything sink in.

I wanted to explain to her how I felt. That the first person I thought of when all hell broke loose was her and only her. Not Aiden, not Kyla, not myself even; just her. She wouldn't even let me explain.

She hated me for my failure to make a decision. She hated me for all the shit I had put her through especially these last few weeks. I never caught on to how much everything I did or did not do was taking a toll on her and our relationship.

And Aiden? I should have seen that he wasn't with Kyla because he liked her. He was with her because she was close to me. I guess in his own sick way being with Kyla was like being with me only when he looked into her eyes as he kissed her it wasn't my eyes that were looking back at him.

The night was a disaster and all I could do was think of Spencer. I loved her there was no doubt about that and the realization that I could have lost her scared me. Thoughts of my accusations of betrayal towards Spencer still rang in my head. She wasn't trying to hurt me she was trying to protect us.

Why couldn't I have seen all of this earlier? Why did a near-death experience have to shake me into realizing my feelings?

I lowered my head in my hands as I slumped down in the hospital chair right outside of Spencer's door. I hadn't moved since I left her in there alone. I should have gone back in but when I saw Glen walk past I decided to let them have a moment for their brother.

My heart nearly broke when I heard Glen yell loudly from inside the room. I stood up quickly afraid that something had happened to Spencer and peered through the window to find Glen pounding the side of the bed over and over.

Spencer's eyes were full of tears as she reached out for her brother. I couldn't hear what they were saying but Glen calmed and reached for her hand. She was careful with his hand and was continuing to try to calm him. He stood and clenched his fists and Spencer's eyes again were full of sadness as she spoke to him.

Whatever she had said made Glen unclench his fists and lean over to hug his sister tightly. I couldn't watch anymore and I returned to my seat. I knew how hard it was to lose someone you loved.

Clay was innocent in all of this. He was doing the right thing with Chelsea taking responsibility for their child and protecting her from the harshness of the world. He was the best brother a person could ever hope for and he was the most caring and trustworthy friend. He was…oh god…he was…he was gone.

"Ashley?" I heard a soft voice say my name. I turned my head to find Kyla standing there with a look of concern.

"Hey Ky." I said softly in response.

"How's Spencer?" She said taking a seat in the chair next to me.

"She's going to be ok. I got one of the nurses to tell me what was wrong and she said that a bullet grazed her back but luckily missed everything. She is going to be ok…" I said with a bittersweet tone.

"Why don't you sound too happy about that?" She asked looking at me with a confused look.

"I am happy that she's going to be ok…."

"But?"

"But I don't know if WE are going to be ok…I really screwed up tonight Kyla." I said shaking my head.

"Ashley the shooting was not your fault…we were all so lucky to not be hurt also…I mean Aiden could have been killed when he shielded you…"

I laughed when I heard Aiden's name. I don't know why I did it but Kyla looked at me surprised.

"Why are you laughing Ashley? Aiden saved your life."

"Did he Kyla? You didn't hear all the things he said to me before the shooting. You didn't see the look on Spencer's face when he professed his love for me causing her to run straight into the line of fire. He didn't save anyone Kyla…"

Kyla looked at me with a strange look and stood up. "I don't know exactly what happened between the three of you tonight but…I can't believe that Aiden would deliberately try to hurt you. He's just not that kind of person. I know he's not that type of person."

"You know? I don't even know who he is anymore."

"He's still your best friend Ashley. You have this love for each other that is unbreakable."

"No Kyla. He's not the same person I knew as my best friend. Something has changed with him…and please don't say love. The only person that I love is sitting in that room dying inside and I can't hold her." I said pointing to Spencer's door.

"You're just upset about what happened." She said trying to justify my anger towards Aiden.

I gave up trying to explain to her what I was feeling and just rested my head on the back wall. I heard a familiar voice down the hallway as frantic steps were coming down towards me.

I opened my eyes and saw Mr. and Mrs. C running down to Spencer's room. Mr. C's eyes were full of pain and his usual cheery complexion was now a sheet of white. Mrs. C looked as broken as her husband and I knew that they had finally heard the news of the shooting.

I had tried calling them earlier but no one ever picked up. When they rushed Spencer to the hospital I told the police officers that one of the deceased was a friend of mine and that they needed to get a hold of his parents. They took the number and address from me and I jumped in my car to make my way to the hospital.

--------------------

_I had run inside and looked around as other students and their families were beginning to appear. I didn't know how many people had been injured but only one person mattered to me at the moment. I hadn't noticed the injury to Spencer's back until a paramedic stopped to check us out._

_He had turned Spencer and saw the mark and her unconscious body and quickly grabbed the gurney to take her to the hospital. My heart had been pounding the whole way and I feared that I would lose her._

_I rushed up to the woman at the front desk of the emergency room. "Excuse me…Can you tell me where Spencer Carlin is?"_

_She ignored me as she shuffled around papers and made calls. I was getting frustrated with her lack of focus on me and I slammed my hands down on the counter._

"_Spencer Carlin…C-A-R-L-I-N…Spencer…please tell me where she is." I said feeling tears of frustration form in my eyes._

_The woman continued to ignore me and I threw my hands up in the air. I checked past the doors to the rooms and made a decision. I looked back at the front station and waited to make my move._

_When all eyes had moved to the entrance of the hospital, I snuck in behind a nurse who was running inside. I knew I had to be quick because my prom dress was a dead give away that I didn't work there._

_I avoided eye contact with everyone in the hall and looked at the name of the chart on each door. I kept looking and moving along until I saw Spencer's name. I peered inside the room and saw her lying there. She was still out of it and I took a deep breath as her chest rose and fell in an almost peaceful rhythm._

_I saw a doctor rushing through the hallway and quickly looked for a place to hide. I saw the women's bathroom a few doors down and ran inside. I held my breath and waited a few minutes. I slowly opened the door and peered out and saw a nurse run into Spencer's room._

_The nurse ran out a minute later and I had to make sure Spencer was alright. I slid out of the bathroom and looked both ways before opening the door. I turned around looking once more out the door and shut it carefully._

_I turned and saw Spencer's eyes looking back at my own with a confused look. I couldn't help but look back at her with a sadness in my eyes._

_I saw her open and close her mouth as if she wanted to speak and I quickly rushed to get her a glass of water. I held the cup of water as the liquid made its way into her mouth._

_She looked back at me still with a confused expression._

"_What…What happened to me?" She choked out._

"_A bullet grazed your back…" I said softly._

"_A bullet? Who tried to shoot me?" _

"_Some stupid gang bangers…they weren't after you…but they never are and that's why innocent people get hurt…" I laced my voice with disgust at the bastards who were responsible for all this pain._

"_So…I'm going to be ok?"_

_I nodded and put a small smile on my face to keep her calm._

"_Where did they do the shooting? The last thing I remember is leaving the house for prom…" I began to get worried as I could see that she really couldn't remember._

"_You don't remember anything after that?" I was in a way relieved that the whole 'Aiden' situation wasn't on her mind but what would happen if she remembered?_

"_Not really…I had this horrible nightmare where someone kept screaming 'Gun' over and over but nothing else stands out."_

"_We were leaving prom when the shooting happened." I said quickly trying to avoid any further details of the night before the shooting took place._

"_Oh god…did anyone else get hurt? I mean are Glen and Clay hurt? Chelsea…what about her baby? And Kyla…please don't tell me anyone got hurt." She was clearly getting worried as the thoughts were running through her head. I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to tell her about her brother._

_I reached for her hand and tried to calm the trembling that had taken over my body. A tear fell from my eye and slowly slid down my face._

"_Oh god…what is it? You have to tell me Ashley!" She screamed at me making me flinch._

"_I don't know if I can Spencer." I said while squeezing her hand._

"_Tell me Ashley…I have a right to know." She did have a right to know but how could I break her heart like that._

"_Glen is fine….Chelsea and the baby are safe…Kyla is alright also…" I looked into her eyes and tried to hold the tears back._

"_Ok you mentioned Glen, Chelsea, Kyla and the baby…What about Clay?" She stared at me intently waiting for my response. I closed my eyes hoping that I wouldn't have to tell her the horrible news._

"_What about Clay??? Tell me Ashley!!!" She yelled at me roughly._

"_Clay…" I couldn't get the words out and I choked back the sobs that were taking over my body._

"_No…no…no…" She repeated over and over._

"_I'm so sorry Spencer." I whispered softly to her._

"_Nooo…Nooo…You're lying! You have to be lying! Life wouldn't be this unfair…It's a lie…Tell me it's a lie!" Her voice echoed in the room as she yelled at nothing in particular._

"_Clay's gone." I finally said looking up into her blue eyes._

"_NOOO!!!" She screamed once more and then her eyes closed and she body went limp._

"_Spencer…Spencer…baby…" I said over and over trying to get her to come back to me. She was out again and my heart broke. I held her hand and lowered my head. I wasn't going to leave her here alone._

--------------------

_My head sprung up as I heard a gasp coming from Spencer's body. Her hands were clenched into fists and I looked at her and saw a look of anger in her eyes. It made me recoil a bit because I had never seen such rage in her eyes before._

"_Spencer? Are you ok?" I asked her a bit hesitantly._

"_Get out." She told me coldly._

"_But…" I didn't understand why she was being so cold and looked at her in confusion._

"_Get out." She said this again never letting her hands relax out of the fist shape they had formed._

"_I'm not leaving you." I said never standing up. I wasn't going to leave her. She had to know this._

"_I remember what happened." I couldn't help but flinch as I knew that the one discussion I didn't want to ever talk about again was about to be addressed._

"_What do you remember?" I asked looking into her eyes._

_She laughed angrily and shook her head. "You and Aiden…I knew that something was going on…and you kept denying it over and over."_

"_Spencer there is nothing going on between Aiden and me." Why didn't she believe me? There really was nothing going on._

"_Don't…just don't…I saw you two on that dance floor…his hands on yours…you couldn't even look at me…"_

"_I was in shock Spencer…he just sprung all this stuff on me…I didn't know how to react." I couldn't explain why I had reacted the way I did and I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. I had to tell her what my decision was. That she was who I loved and always had loved not Aiden._

"_Ashley…just go…please…I can't even look at you right now…why don't you go run to Aiden…leave me alone to grieve for my brother." She turned her head away from me and her words stung. Run to Aiden? Is that what she thought I would do?_

_I looked at Spencer's back and tried to respond but I couldn't. She hated me I was sure of it now. A sob escaped my mouth as the realization hit me. I made my way to the door and opened it. Another sob came and I couldn't help but pound the door with my palm letting out my pain and frustration. I closed the door and fell against it sobbing._

--------------------

Mr. C opened Spencer's door for Mrs. C and noticed me sitting there. He looked at me with sad eyes and opened his arms. I rushed into his embrace holding him tightly and I could feel silent sobs from his body.

"I'm so sorry Mr. C." I said into his shoulder.

He said nothing as he held me tight. I pulled back and saw a man who looked like he had lost everything. I guess in a large way he did lose everything.

"Spencer's going to be ok." I said to him. Maybe trying to reassure my own mind.

He nodded and turned to make his way into the room.

"Mr. C…" He turned his head to look at me. "Tell Spencer that I love her and that if she needs me I will be right here. That I'm not going anywhere….that it was never a choice that she was always the one." I said with pleading eyes.

He looked at me with a confused look but nodded his head in agreement. I resumed my position on the chair and closed my eyes as a wave of exhaustion knocked me out.


	4. Chapter 4

Howdy! So here's chapter four! Hope you like it!

* * *

**Author:** Mel  
**Copyright:** 2007  
**Title:** Stay Illogical  
**Rating**: PG-13

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a relationship between two girls if you don't like that sort of thing then please discontinue reading. This chapter deals with a death in the family and how they cope so it's not going to be all sunshine and buttercups.

**Chapter Four**

I let my hands stroke the back of Glen's head as he held onto me tightly. I noticed a movement from the corner of my eye and looked towards the window to see Ashley turn her head and move away. My heart skipped a beat knowing that she hadn't left but I pushed it out of my mind.

Glen stood up slowly and sat in the chair that Ashley had occupied earlier. He kept his eyes on the ground as we both just sat in silence. The closeness was enough to keep us comforted while we let everything process.

It was hard to think about the fact that Clay was no longer with us. It seemed like it was only seconds before that we were all having fun together dancing and laughing. Chelsea was so happy and so was Clay.

My thoughts were all over the place while I thought of everything. I thought back to the time my mother and father had adopted Clay. To times when he and I would have our sibling arguments and times when he would let me cry on his shoulder.

He was there for me through so many hard times in my life and not once did he ever complain. He was one of the first people to support my relationship with Ashley and was the first to defend me when things started to go wrong.

I placed a hand on my head and closed my eyes. I felt a little bit light-headed and I tried to calm the pounding that kept coming as the clock on the wall ticked off the seconds.

I felt a strong light on my closed eyelids and opened my eyes to see my mother and father walking inside. My mother rushed over to my bedside kissing me on my forehead and I saw my father start to walk inside but then disappeared back into the hallway.

"Oh Spencer I'm so happy you are ok…I'm so sorry we weren't here sooner." My mother said as fresh tears fell down her already tear-streaked face.

"It's ok Mom…I'm ok." I said reaching out my arms and holding onto her tightly.

My mother hadn't noticed that Glen was sitting next to my bed still looking at the floor. She moved back and finally saw him and wrapped her arms around him kissing the top of his head.

"Glen are you ok sweetie?" She asked my brother softly.

He didn't say anything and nodded his head slowly. She pulled back and took one of my hands in her own and reached down for Glen's. He flinched slightly when her skin ran across his fresh wounds.

"What is it Glen?" My mother said looking at him with a concerned look.

"It's nothing." He said quietly.

She looked down at his hand and noticed the broken skin and drying blood. She gasped and looked at Glen.

"What happened?"

Glen looked at me pleadingly as if to ask me to not tell our mother about what he had done. I nodded my head and squeezed her hand.

"Mom…" I said quietly.

My mother still had her eyes on Glen but when I called out to her again she turned and wrapped both her hands around mine. She pushed a strand of my hair out of my face and I smiled weakly at her.

"Where did Dad go?" I asked looking at the door where my father had been just a few moments before.

"Ashley was in the hallway and I think he went to talk to her." She said stroking my hair.

I cursed myself for feeling happy that Ashley hadn't left me to go find Aiden. I shouldn't feel any kind of happiness after my brother had been killed. I looked at the closed door and wondered what it was that Ashley and my father were saying to one another.

The door opened slightly and my father re-appeared. He looked back out and nodded his head at who I assumed was Ashley. He closed the door and made his way over to my bed.

He placed a hand on my mother's shoulder and leaned over to kiss my forehead. He pulled Glen in for a quick hug and I could tell that he was trying to be strong.

My mother looked at my father and squeezed the hand he had placed on her shoulder.

"I'm going to take Glen to go get his hands checked out Arthur." My mother said after a few moments of silence.

"What happened to your hands Glen?" My father asked concerned.

"It's no big deal…just lost my temper." He said standing up and putting his hands behind his back.

"We need to get those cleaned up and bandaged." My mother said her doctor instincts taking over her emotions.

Glen nodded his head and they walked to the door. My mother turned back towards me and gave me a small smile probably trying to reassure me that everything would be ok.

My father remained standing and I could tell that he was ready to break down.

"Dad…" I said softly. He looked down at me and gave me a small smile.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" He said sitting down in the chair.

"I'm a little tired and my back hurts but other than that I'm fine." I said in response.

He nodded his head and took my hand.

"How are you doing Dad?" I asked watching every move my father made.

He took a deep breath and squeezed my hand. "I'm hanging in their kiddo."

"It's ok for you to cry in front of me dad…"

He looked at me and nodded his head. "I know…I know…"

We sat there for a few minutes. I held onto his hand and squeezed every once and awhile to keep reminding him that he wasn't alone.

"Ashley wanted me to tell you something…" He said out of nowhere.

My eyes which were beginning to close snapped open when I heard Ashley's name mentioned. I looked at my father with anxious eyes and held my breath.

"She…she said to let you know that she wasn't going anywhere and that you were always her choice and that she loved you." He said softly.

My heart sped up and a small smile formed on my face. I looked at the door anxiously wondering if she was still out there. Of course she was still out there or at least that's what I hoped.

My thoughts were broken when I heard a sob coming from my father's direction. I looked back at my father and saw his strong shell break and he lowered his head letting out all of the pain he had been holding in up to that point.

The sobs were coming more and more as my father's hand slipped from my own and clutched at the blanket squeezing until his knuckles were white. I felt my own eyes tear up as my father cried in front of me.

When my father's sobs began to subside I reached out tentatively to touch his shoulder. He shivered slightly and wiped his eyes on his shoulder. He sat back and looked down at me with bloodshot eyes and a broken smile.

"Have you talked to Cecily?" I asked hesitantly.

My father shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. He sat back in his chair and let out a deep sigh.

"She wasn't home when we called so your mom and I left her a message to meet us at the hospital."

I was sure that Cecily would be just as devastated as we were to find out her son was gone. The son she had just started to get to know better. I just wondered what it would have been like if Clay hadn't found her. She never would have known how wonderful her son had turned out to be.

The anger rose up inside me every time I reminded myself how innocent Clay was in all of this madness.

"Dad…do you think I could…" I didn't finish my sentence and looked down at my hands.

"What honey?" He asked reaching out to take my hand.

"Do you think I could tell Cecily?"

"I don't know honey. This is a very delicate subject and I know you are really hurting right now. I think it would be better for me to talk to her."

I nodded my head understanding how right my father was. I could see his strength return and I knew that his small breakdown had helped him for now at least.

"Why don't you get some rest? We will be right outside the door if you need us. And I think Ashley will be here for awhile too."

I looked down and nodded.

"Spencer? Did something else happen tonight?"

"It's not that important…I'm going to go ahead and get some sleep. When you find Cecily tell her how sorry I am and how loved Clay was by everyone." I said letting a tear fall down my cheek.

My father nodded and headed towards the door. He opened it and looked back once more before shutting the door behind him.

I turned my head and sobbed into my pillow. My emotions were getting the best of me and I closed my eyes to try to escape the pain at least for a moment.

--------------------

"Ashley?" I opened my eyes and tried to focus on the figure that was hovering over me. My back was in a weird and uncomfortable position as I sat in the hospital chair.

"Hmm…" I said rubbing my eyes.

A hand touched my shoulder as I felt the person take a seat next to me.

"I think you should head home for a little while." Mr. C.'s voice told me softly.

"No I can't leave…Spencer needs to know I'm here for her."

"She knows…I told her that you were here. I just think that you should head home and get some sleep and change. You look exhausted." He said with a soft and concerned look.

I nodded back at him and stood up. I stretched my knotted muscles and looked back down at where he was sitting.

"Can I go in and see her really quick before I go?"

He looked at me with a soft look and nodded. "She should be sleeping so please just try to let her rest."

I walked over to the door and opened the door slowly. I saw Spencer curled up on her side facing away from the door.

I walked over to her bed slowly and looked down at her face. I saw the scratches on her forehead and leaned down letting one of my fingers trace one softly. Her body shivered in response and I leaned down to give her a soft kiss on her cheek.

"I love you Spencer…" I whispered into her ear.

I stood up and looked back at her once more before I headed out of the room to head home and change. I would be back there was no question about that.


	5. Chapter 5

Howdy! So here's chapter five! Hope you like it!

* * *

**Author:** Mel  
**Copyright:** 2007  
**Title:** Stay Illogical  
**Rating**: PG-13

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a relationship between two girls if you don't like that sort of thing then please discontinue reading. This chapter deals with a death in the family and how they cope so it's not going to be all sunshine and buttercups.

**Chapter Five**

The drive home to my house was long and quiet. Even the bustling of people in the streets and cars honking at one another couldn't break the silence that was in my head. I wanted to get home as soon as I could and change so that I could head right back to the hospital.

I pulled into my driveway and sat in my car for a few minutes. I turned off the engine and looked up at my house to see that only one light was on. Kyla was still up and I wasn't really ready to talk to her again. I still couldn't believe that she was on Aiden's side in all of this but she also didn't know all the facts of what had happened at prom.

I opened my door and stepped out. My footsteps seemed to be so loud and heavy as I made my way up to the house. I reached for my key and unlocked the door. I shivered slightly as a warm breeze blew past me into my house.

I closed the door and saw that there was no sign of my mother. I knew that the possibility of her actually being here after what had happened at the school was really slim to none. I wasn't even sure if she had heard about the shooting. Would she have even cared? Hell she probably would have been happy if I had been shot. It would put her hands that much closer to my father's money.

I walked up the stairs and to my room slowly so that Kyla wouldn't notice that I had arrived home. Every few steps I took a creak would reverberate down the hallways and I would hold my breath. She never appeared and I silently closed my door.

I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of jeans. I headed over to my closet and grabbed a t-shirt and a sweatshirt to wear. I threw the clothes on my couch and went to my bathroom.

When I looked in the mirror I saw my swollen eyes and the dirt that was covering my white dress. My hair was disheveled and it was up on one side of my head and loose on the other. I looked like a complete mess and I felt like one as well.

I took a deep breath and slipped off my dress. I looked it over before I placed it on the bathroom counter. There were tears all over and many of the sequins had fallen off. There was a small spot of blood on the front that I assumed was from Spencer's back.

The sight of the blood made my stomach tighten sharply. I traced the stain and felt a tear come to my eye. I quickly wiped the tear away and turned towards the shower. I turned it on and stepped inside.

I washed and washed my skin trying to erase any piece of the horrible experience from before. I never felt like I was clean enough but when I looked down at my body and saw the red markings I knew that I had to stop. I turned off the water and leaned my head against the cool tiles.

Standing there vulnerable in the shower made me think back to the days when my father had died. The feelings that had made its way through my body at that time were so mixed and strong that I felt like at any moment I could have shattered into a million pieces.

I pushed everyone away and I tried to grieve alone. Spencer kept pulling me back to her to help me through that time. I kept pushing and pushing but she never backed away. She was my rock and she had been my rock throughout everything.

I realized that she was hurting now just as much as I was back then. Now, I thought to myself, it was my turn to be her rock and to help her through her pain.

I stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel. I dried off my body and headed back into my room. I made my way to my bed and my foot came across one of Spencer's t-shirts. I stared down at the wrinkled shirt and smiled. I picked it up and carried it over to my bed and I fell back onto my soft sheets.

I brought the shirt up to my nose and smelled the sweet scent that was left behind on the material. The smell was overtaking my senses and I thought about Spencer lying in that hospital bed surrounded by foreign objects and overcome with grief. I brought the t-shirt up to cover my face as the tears that had threatened to fall earlier finally came down.

I curled up on my side and used the t-shirt as a makeshift pillow. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

--------------------

"_GUN!" The voice rang out into the night air._

_It felt like a slow motion movie as bodies began to duck and run for cover. I looked towards Ashley and our eyes met for a brief moment as she reached out for me. Aiden was moving towards Ashley and I began to fall to the ground._

"_Aiden!" Ashley cried out still reaching for me. I didn't understand why she was yelling for Aiden. I felt a slight pain in my back and staggered to my side._

_I could hear the thuds of bodies as they fell on the sidewalks and grass. Everything was becoming a blur and I was having trouble seeing._

"_Aiden, help!" I heard Ashley's voice cry out._

_My body suddenly went straight down into the ground and my head hit the concrete and everything went dark._

_After what felt like an eternity I was brought out of my daze and my head was throbbing. I felt my body moving and felt a soft light on my eyelids. I could hear a muffled voice that sounded like Ashley's calling to me._

"_Spencer…baby…please…open your eyes." She said. I felt her fingers brush strands of my hair out of my face._

_I slowly opened my eyes and saw her look away searching for something. I reached out and lightly touched her arm. She looked back down into my eyes and I could see the worry that had taken over her face._

"_Oh god Spence…are you ok?" She said pulling my body tightly into her chest._

"_I…I think so…" I said still unsure of what had actually happened._

_She held onto me tighter and kissed my forehead. I could feel her slightly tremble as she held onto me. I looked past her shoulder and found Aiden's dark eyes looking at us. I remembered his declarations of love from earlier and I held on tighter to Ashley never taking my eyes of his._

_I wasn't sure if she had noticed Aiden watching us but she held onto me like she was afraid I might disappear._

"_Nooo…" I turned my head quickly to where Chelsea and Clay were laying after I heard the scream. We jumped to our feet and ran over to Chelsea and my heart stopped as I saw my brother lying there. He wasn't moving and I couldn't believe what I saw._

_Over and over I kept praying in my head for Clay to be alright. There was no way that Clay could be taken from our family. Not like this._

_I watched as Glen lifted himself from where he and Madison had fell. He made his way over to Clay's body and lightly turned him on his back. I could feel a sickness creep up my throat as I saw the red blood stain that was on Chelsea's dress._

_I heard Ashley gasp and a sob came from my mouth as I stared down at the blood. I shook my head over and over trying to wish everything away. That if I shook my head hard enough I would wake up and everything would be ok._

"_Clay…come on…Clay" Glen said over and over as the tears fell down his face._

_I stared down at my brothers as Glen worked on Clay's dying body. I could see Clay's chest move up and down slightly but he was struggling for air. I could do nothing but watch. Chelsea began to scream louder and louder and with every scream my chest constricted more and more._

"_Why are you all just standing around!" Kyla cried out._

_My eyes never left my brothers as Glen tried to keep Clay alive. His shoulders were shaking and he shrugged off Madison's hand when she tried to reach out to him._

"_Hello?...Hello!...Yes this is an emergency…there's been a shooting…yes a shooting…at King High School…King!...Please we need an ambulance…people are hurt…hurry!" Kyla's voice was like a whisper in the air to me as I looked on with disbelief._

_I watched as Aiden moved forward slightly to where my brothers were and quickly backed away when Glen looked at him angrily. I felt Ashley's arms wrap around me as she began to stroke my hair._

_I saw Aiden look at Ashley and I couldn't handle it any longer. "Get off me…" I yelled as I tried to push Ashley's body off of my own. "Don't touch me!" I pushed again and freed myself. I pushed Ashley again watching her fall to the ground in the corner of my eye as I ran to my brothers._

"_Clay! You can't leave me…please…I need you…Clay…" I cried into Clay's chest willing him to stay alive._

_Glen wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me close. I could hear sirens in the distance and I knew that help was coming. I cried into Glen's shoulder praying that Clay would be alright._

_I heard the sound of doors opening and slamming and the footsteps rushing past us as the paramedics and police arrived. When I felt Glen's body move me back I looked up to see a paramedic trying to move us aside._

_I watched as he bent down next to Clay's body and tried to save him. He stood slowly after he worked and worked but the sight of his hanging shoulders let me know that it was not good news. He looked over at Glen and me and shook his head telling us with no words that our brother was gone._

_My legs buckled underneath me and I screamed as my body fell to the ground. "Clay!!!" I yelled into the ground as hard as I could._

_When Ashley's arms found their way around me again I didn't have the strength to push her away. I balled up my fists and pounded over and over into Ashley's back as I screamed. If she was hurting from the blows I was inflicting on her she never showed it she just held onto me tighter._

"_Kids." A deep voice said as I held onto Ashley. "We are going to need you to clear the scene. You should try calling your parents and let them know that you are ok." I heard him pause and sigh before he spoke in my direction. "Miss…I'm very sorry for your loss."_

----

"No…CLAY!" I screamed out as my body jerked forward on my hospital bed.

"Shh…shh…honey its ok…shhh…" I heard my mother's voice say as she wrapped her arms around me. "It's only a bad dream."

I shook my head knowing that this wasn't just a bad dream. This was the third time tonight that I had watched this nightmare play over and over in my head. I would close my eyes and see Clay's body lying there on the ground. I would see the red stain on Chelsea's dress as she screamed out.

The only part of that dream that made me feel anything other than loss was the feeling of Ashley's arms around my own never letting me go. I closed my eyes and wished that her arms were around me right now.

I knew that I needed Ashley with me and I wanted to believe that she needed me with her just as much. I lifted my head and looked down at my mother's face.

I reached out and sighed. "Mom…"

"Yes sweetie…"

"Is Ashley still outside?" I asked softly. Her eyes looked at me in a bit of confusion and she shook her head.

"No sweetie…she left a few hours ago. I don't know where she went."

I bit my lip and looked back at my mother with a disappointed face. "Are you sure?" I asked hoping that she was just mistaken that Ashley had just stepped away for a moment.

"I'm sorry honey."

I lowered my eyes and squeezed her hand. "Its ok mom…at least you guys are here for me."

"We are always going to be here for you honey." Paula said kissing my forehead.

"I know Mom…I know…" I said looking off into the blackness of the room. My mind was in a state of confusion over Ashley. I had so many questions and there was only one person who could answer them.


	6. Chapter 6

Howdy! So here's chapter six! Hope you like it!

* * *

**Author:** Mel  
**Copyright:** 2007  
**Title:** Stay Illogical  
**Rating**: PG-13

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a relationship between two girls if you don't like that sort of thing then please discontinue reading. This chapter deals with a death in the family and how they cope so it's not going to be all sunshine and buttercups.

**Chapter Six**

I opened my eyes slowly and noticed the bright light shining into my room. I shook my head and looked down to see that I was partially naked and my towel was only covering the bottom portion of my body.

I wiped the sleep from my eyes and looked around my room. The room was quiet and nothing seemed to feel any different than the day before. I stood up and wrapped the towel firmly around my body and headed into my bathroom.

When my eyes saw the ripped and lightly blood stained dress I remembered that everything was different now. I looked into the mirror and could barely recognize the person looking back at me.

"Spencer…" I whispered to my reflection. "Oh god…"

I ran out of the bathroom and frantically grabbed the clothes I had laid out when I got home. I slid the clothes on and threw my hair up into a ponytail. I reached for my cell phone and purse before I ran out of my room.

I was halfway down the stairs when I heard muffled voices coming from the living room. I stopped in my tracks when I heard Aiden cough and swore under my breath. What was he doing here?

I took a deep breath and quietly made my way down the stairs hoping that they wouldn't hear me. I had my hand on the door when suddenly the talking stopped.

"Ashley…" I heard Aiden's voice say.

"Not now Aiden…" I said starting to open the door.

He grabbed for my shoulder and I stepped back as if his touch burned me. His face was filled with shock by the way I reacted and he backed up with his hands in the air.

I glared at him trying to convey all the anger I had inside of me towards him with that one look.

"Look…Ash…"

"Don't call me that…not anymore…" I said bitterly.

"I'm sorry about last night…I didn't want it to turn out that way…"

"What way were you hoping it would turn out? I am not your girlfriend anymore Aiden…"

"I know that…I just needed to tell you how I was feeling because it's been so hard lately…"

"Hard? For you? How many girls have you hooked up with Aiden in the last few months? Sure seems so hard for you…"

"None of those girls meant anything to me…" He said quickly. I looked over at Kyla and saw tears forming in her eyes.

"You are such a bastard…" I said shaking my head at him. "You were there for me through all the times I was having problems with Spencer giving me someone to talk to…and through it all you were just trying to get back with me…"

Kyla let out a sob as she watched Aiden and I argue. Aiden turned his head and saw the tears flowing down her face and tried to reach out for her.

"Don't…Don't touch me…" She said backing up.

"Look I'm sorry Kyla…I really tried to give you everything I had but…"

"But you were still in love with my sister…I can't believe I didn't believe Ashley when she told me about how wrong I was about you…"

"Just get out…" I said opening the door wide. "I think you have done enough damage."

Aiden looked at me with frustrated eyes and slowly made his way out of the house. I slammed the door shut and walked over to Kyla. She looked up at me with tear-filled eyes and I hugged her close.

"I'm sorry Ashley…I should have believed you…" She said crying into my shoulder.

"Look Kyla…guys suck…and that's just how it is…I'm so sorry you had to hear him say that…"

She nodded her head into my shoulder and held onto me tightly. I broke the hug and stroked her face softly.

"I have to head back to the hospital to see Spencer…are you going to be ok here?"

"Can I come with you?" She said through some sniffles.

I wasn't sure about bringing Kyla along but she looked so distraught that I felt I had to.

"Come on…" I said grabbing her arm and leading her out of the house.

--------------------

I opened my eyes and felt the immediate pain hit me and I gasped. I looked around the room and noticed that Glen was sleeping in a chair in the far corner of my room. I couldn't see anyone else and I sighed.

I picked up my cup and hurled it at Glen to get his attention but it just bounced off his body and fell to the floor. I needed to use the restroom and wasn't sure if I could make it over on my own power.

I lowered the railing to my right and pushed up on my elbows to sit up. I cried out slightly as I felt the pain hit but continued to move. I took a few deep breaths as I sat up and moved my legs to the side.

They dangled there for a few moments while I took another deep breath and pushed up off the bed. My feet hit the cold floor and I clutched for the bed to keep my balance.

As I pulled my body up to a standing position I saw the door open slowly. I held my breath as I saw Ashley's head peek through. She saw the position I was in and quickly ran inside.

She wrapped her arms around my body and held me up. I closed my eyes and yelped in pain from the sudden movement.

"Oh my god…Spencer…I'm sorry…shit…tell me what to do…" She said stilling our bodies.

"Just…take a little pressure…off…my back…" I managed to say as the pain continued to go through my body.

She let her arms loosen around my body and I held onto her shoulders. Her face was right next to mine and even through all the pain I just wanted to kiss her. To feel her lips on mine would numb the pain I kept telling myself.

"Is this better?" She asked worry clearly evident in her voice.

I nodded and bit my lip trying to get the pain to subside. I lowered my head into her shoulder and calmed my breathing.

"What were you trying to do getting out of bed like that? You should be resting."

"I had…I had to use the bathroom." I whispered to her.

"Here…let me walk you over there…" She said turning her body pulling one of my arms over her shoulder as she slid her arm around my waist.

"This is so embarrassing." I said slowly making our way to the restroom.

"Don't worry about it Spence…I'm here to help you through this…" She said leading me over to the sink.

I saw the reflection of us in the bathroom mirror and noticed the scratches that were on my face. I reached out and traced my reflection and then traced my own face.

"I look horrible…"

"No…you look beautiful…" She said stroking my hair.

"Well I certainly don't feel beautiful…" I said taking a deep sigh.

"Do you want me to wait in here for you or outside?" She asked looking at me with concerned eyes in the mirror.

I turned around and smiled softly. "I think I can manage on my own in here…"

She nodded her head and stepped out closing the door behind her. I turned around and smiled briefly knowing that Ashley was here with me now. The smile quickly left though when Clay's bloody image reappeared in my mind.

I bent over the toilet and felt my stomach lurch. I gagged and coughed over and over but nothing came out. The door swung open again and Ashley's soft hands were on my back and pulling back my hair.

"It's ok Spence…just breathe." She said over and over.

"He's really gone Ashley…" I said lowering my head to my forearm which was resting on the seat.

"I know sweetie…I know…"

I picked up my head and turned my body to wrap my arms around Ashley's body. Feeling her arms around me always made me feel so safe like the whole outside world just disappeared and it was just me and her.

She wrapped her arms around my waist trying to avoid my back and we sat there on the floor of the bathroom just holding one another while tears ran down my face. I felt her fidget slightly and I pulled back to look into her eyes.

"So…you done in here?" She asked me softly.

"No…but just give me a minute…" I said as I attempted to stand. She held tightly onto my waist as she lifted us off the floor.

"Well I'm going to be right outside the door…" She said kissing my forehead softly.

I nodded and she stepped out once more. I finished up in the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face to try to keep the tears away. I took a deep breath and walked back out into my room to find Ashley lying on my bed stroking my pillow.

"I can see you and my pillow are becoming close friends…" I said lightly trying to break the dark mood that had come over everything.

"The best…" She said standing up and heading towards me. She wrapped her arm around my waist and I held onto her shoulder and made our way to my bed.

She helped me hop on my bed and lifted my legs slowly so that I could lie back down. She covered my legs with my blanket and sat in the chair next to my bed.

"Spence…I need to tell you something…" She started softly.

Glen cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes when he woke to find Ashley sitting next to me. We looked over at him and he stood slowly.

"I'm going to go…check on Mom and Dad…" He said through a cracked voice. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was covered in sadness. He walked out of the room and the door shut behind him.

"I guess I'm not the only one that looks awful…" I said lightheartedly.

"You're family is going through a really hard time right now…so it's understandable…believe me I know…" She said lowering her head probably remembering all the pain she felt when her father was taken so suddenly.

I reached out and stroked her face and she looked up at me with sad eyes. She grabbed my hand and kissed it before laying it down on my bed stroking my fingers with her own.

"I needed to tell you something that I should have said long before any of this happened…"

I listened as Ashley took a deep breath and squeezed my hand.

She looked into my eyes deeply and smiled softly. "I love you Spencer…I am in love with YOU…I always have been and that's why I was so afraid when you started to really like me back…I really wasn't expecting to find someone that I could feel this deeply for this soon…actually I honestly never thought I would…"

She took a deep breath and continued. "Then you came along and everything changed…you gave me a reason to stop being so bitter in the world and to enjoy life as it comes…you even dragged my sorry ass to Prom now that is a feat in itself though I am never going back to a school dance ever again…" She said shaking her head.

"Last night should never have happened the way it did…it was supposed to be our night…I wanted it to be our night…to make it special for you…for us…"

I pulled her out of her chair and scooted over slightly so that she could lie beside me on my bed. She slid herself next to me and rested her head on my shoulder. I picked up her hand and laid it across my stomach entwining our fingers.

"I never thought I would have to choose between my best friend…and the love of my life…I guess I was naïve in thinking that I could still be friends with Aiden after all that we had been through…I swear I never knew how he still felt about me…I guess I refused to see it…"

I stroked her hair not wanting to interrupt her while she spoke. She was telling me everything that I needed to hear and I knew it wasn't easy for her. It never was easy for her to express how she was feeling underneath the rough exterior she put up to fend off feeling any pain.

"I should never have hesitated to say that I loved you Spence…just thinking about how I could have lost you and you not knowing that you were the one…that you were always the one…" She buried her head into my shoulder and sobbed.

I felt tears form in my eye as she cried into my body. The door to my room slightly opened and Kyla started to walk inside when she stopped suddenly. She saw Ashley crying and looked up at me with concerned eyes.

I mouthed for her to come back in awhile and she nodded softly before leaving the room.

I wrapped my arms tighter around Ashley's body and kissed her forehead. I could hear her sobs subsiding and squeezed her hand. She pulled back and looked up into my eyes and I smiled down at her.

"Ashley…I love you…" I said softly before kissing her lightly on her lips. I pulled back and saw her eyes still closed and I kissed her forehead.

"Spence…you have no idea how much hearing you say those three words means to me…"

"Probably just as much as my hearing you say those three words means to me…"

"No…much more…much more…" She said before closing her eyes and falling asleep in my arms. I held onto her for a few more moments until I felt my eyes get heavy and I fell asleep as well.


	7. Chapter 7

Howdy! So here's chapter seven! Hope you like it!

* * *

**Author:** Mel  
**Copyright:** 2007  
**Title:** Stay Illogical  
**Rating**: PG-13

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a relationship between two girls if you don't like that sort of thing then please discontinue reading. This chapter deals with a death in the family and how they cope so it's not going to be all sunshine and buttercups. This chapter contains strong language and violence.

**Chapter Seven**

I could feel warm arms holding me as my eyes began to flutter open. I shook the sleep from my head and noticed the cold hospital room that Spencer was now occupying. I turned my head up and saw her beautiful face turned to the side with her eyes shut.

I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was well into the afternoon. I must have fallen asleep after I told Spencer how I felt.

I lifted my hand and traced one of the scratches on Spencer's soft skin. She shivered as my finger trailed along the broken skin and I leaned up to kiss it softly. If I could kiss all her pain away I would but I knew that no amount of kissing could fix all the damage that had been done at Prom.

She moved her head and opened her eyes slowly to find me looking at her intently. I wasn't sure how close she would let me get so I was fearful of overstepping my bounds. She was still upset over the whole Aiden thing and I didn't blame her one bit.

She smiled softly and kissed my forehead stroking my hair softly with her hand. I couldn't help but grin back at her reveling in the loving touch she was giving me.

"Good morn…I mean Good Afternoon sweetie…" I said remembering what time it was.

"Good afternoon to you too…"

"I guess we fell asleep…" I said stating the obvious.

"Yeah…but for once I was actually able to sleep….without…seeing Clay…" She closed her eyes tightly.

"Shh…baby…shhh…just try to clear your mind…" I said softly stroking her cheek.

She nodded her head and took a deep breath to help compose herself. She tightened her hold around my body I guess trying to reassure her subconscious that I was really there.

"I'm not going anywhere…" I whispered into her shoulder.

"I know…" She said kissing my forehead.

I could hear muffled shouting coming from the hallway and picked my head up to see what was going on. We both watched as the door flung open and Kyla ran inside closing the door quickly. She was out of breath and Spencer and I looked at one another before looking back at my sister.

"What's going on?" I asked Kyla as she leaned against the door.

She shook her head and I could see she was holding back tears. "It's…"

"What Kyla?" I demanded.

"It's Aiden…he's here…" She managed to let out finally.

I took a deep breath and looked up at Spencer. Her eyes were distant and I couldn't read what she was thinking. I sat up and made my way to the door.

As I got closer I could hear the shouting escalate. I pushed Kyla out of the way and opened the door to find Aiden and Glen yelling at one another.

"What the fuck are you doing here man?" Glen yelled at Aiden.

"None of your business…" Aiden said not backing down.

"Well since you are here in front of MY sister's room wanting to go inside I think it is very much MY business…" Glen said glaring at the dark haired boy.

Aiden looked up and saw me standing in the doorway. He looked at me with pleading eyes and tried to take a step towards me.

"Ash…I'm sorry…we really need to talk…"

"Stop calling me that…" I said angrily. "I told you to go home Aiden…so just go…"

"You heard her man…go…" Glen said stepping in between Aiden and me.

"I'm not talking to you…" Aiden said taking another step closer.

Glen pushed on Aiden's chest to stop him and Aiden pushed his hand away. Glen put his hand up again and when Aiden repeated his previous motions Glen lost it.

"I said to fucking go…" Glen said bringing his fist up to connect with Aiden's face.

Aiden fell to the floor and grabbed at his face to touch the blood that was coming down from his nose. He looked up at Glen angrily and balled up his fists. He lunged at Glen and threw him up against the wall.

Glen recovered from the sudden blow and kneed Aiden in the groin. Aiden crumpled over and Glen kneed him in the stomach. Aiden fell onto his side on the ground and Glen moved him so that he was on his back.

He lowered himself to hold Aiden down and began to move his fist back and forth continually beating Aiden in the face. I stood in shock as Glen let all his rage out on Aiden.

"GLEN!" I heard Mr. C scream from down the hallway. He rushed over to his son and pulled Glen off.

"Dad! Let me kill those bastards…those bastards that killed Clay…I need to kill them…" He said breaking free and lunging at Aiden again. Mr. C. caught him before he got close again and held onto him tightly. Glen continued to fight against his father and the tears began to fall down his face. "Those bastards…"

"Glen…its ok…its ok…" Mr. C said over and over trying to calm down his son. He looked towards Aiden and shook his head seeing the damage Glen had done. "Aiden…why don't you go get checked out…"

Aiden spit some of his blood on the floor and slowly stood. He reached for his stomach as he made his way down the hallway. I watched as he approached a few nurses and they began to look at his face.

I felt a warm hand on my arm and jumped slightly finding Spencer standing next to me. I turned around and held her up as she looked out of the room to find her father still consoling Glen.

She moved forward and I helped her walk towards her brother. She placed a hand on Glen's shoulder and he immediately tensed up. His muscles loosened once he figured out that Spencer was the one reaching out to him.

He turned and buried his head into Spencer's stomach. He tightened his arms around her waist and sobbed into her body.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you…I'm sorry I couldn't protect Clay…I'm sorry…"

"Shhh…it's not your fault Glen…it's not your fault…" She said stroking his head softly.

Mr. C. held back his own tears as he watched his son and daughter console each other. I put a hand on his shoulder and he smiled weakly back up to me to assure me that he was ok.

"Spence…sweetie…I think you should go and lie down some more…" I said touching her lightly on her back.

She nodded and leaned down to kiss Glen's head softly. He removed his arms from her waist and watched as we made our way back into her room.

I got her back into bed and resumed my position from before sitting next to her side. I held onto her as she breathed in and out slowly.

"So what happened out there?" She asked me after a few minutes of silence.

"Nothing…" I said quickly hoping she wouldn't want to talk about it.

"Ash…if you expect me to trust you…you need to be completely honest with me…" She said with a concerned tone.

"I know…" I coughed trying to clear my throat. "Aiden was here…" I hesitated to say why he had come but knew I had to. "He was here to talk to me about what happened…and Glen wouldn't let him inside the room…"

"And then what?"

"Glen stopped Aiden from coming in and hit him…Aiden pushed him up against the wall and then Glen lost it…he kept hitting him Spence…over and over…" I said wincing at the sight I had remembered seeing.

She remained silent as she took it all in. I wasn't sure if I should say something to her so I just remained silent as she thought.

"I'm glad…" She said suddenly with bitterness in her tone.

I looked up at her quickly and raised an eyebrow. "You're glad for what?"

"That Glen beat the shit out of Aiden…" She said coldly letting a small grin come over her face.

"Why are you saying that sweetie?" I asked not liking this new side of Spencer. Her eyes had lost that glow that I was so used to seeing and was replaced now with a darkness that I was afraid of.

"I hate Aiden…" She said through gritted teeth. "I hate him."

I watched as tears came down her face as she continued to say over and over again how much she hated Aiden. I tentatively reached out my hand to place on her arm to calm her down and she was brought out of her daze.

Her face softened as she looked down at me and I looked back at her with sad eyes.

"What's wrong with me Ash?" She said letting more tears come down.

"Nothing baby…nothing…" I said trying to reassure her.

She sobbed over and over as I stroked her hair trying to make her calm down. This wasn't going to be an easy road for us I finally realized as Spencer continued to cry. Not an easy road at all.

--------------------

My eyes began to open when I felt a soft finger glide across my face and I felt my body shiver under the touch. I felt soft lips touch my cheek and I closed my eyes tightly knowing exactly whose lips were on my skin.

I moved my head and looked down at Ashley to find her looking at me with her powerful brown eyes. I could see a bit of apprehension in her face as she looked back at me and I knew she must have been wondering where we stood now. I wanted her to kiss me but I wasn't sure if it was the right time to push her.

I smiled at her softly and kissed her forehead letting my fingers stroke her head softly loving the silky texture of her hair. She grinned at me and I felt my heart melt under her beautiful smile.

"Good morn…I mean Good Afternoon sweetie…" She said softly up at me.

"Good afternoon to you too…" I said loving how she still called me "sweetie."

"I guess we fell asleep…"

"Yeah…but for once I was actually able to sleep….without…seeing Clay…" I closed my eyes tightly remembering the images that had been haunting me ever since I remembered exactly what had happened at prom.

"Shh…baby…shhh…just try to clear your mind…" She said softly stroking my cheek.

I nodded my head and took a deep breath hoping to get the image to disappear. My thoughts were wracked with images and I couldn't shake them. I squeezed Ashley tighter wanting to focus solely on her and to let my mind finally rest.

"I'm not going anywhere…" She whispered softly. I felt my chest constrict when I heard her say this and I knew that she meant it.

"I know…" I said leaning down and kissing her forehead.

My attention was distracted when I could hear my brother and what sounded like Aiden's muffled voices shouting outside my door. Ashley lifted her head and the door flew open to reveal a distraught Kyla. She closed the door as soon as she was inside and Ashley and I locked eyes briefly before returning our focus back to Kyla.

"What's going on?" Ashley asked her sister.

Kyla was having a hard time speaking and shook her head. "It's…"

"What Kyla?" Ashley said wanting answers.

"It's Aiden…he's here…" My hatred rose as Aiden's name came out of Kyla's mouth. Why was he here? He had already done enough to Ashley and our relationship but he was back for more.

Ashley looked up at me and I hid my anger not letting her see how I was feeling. I watched as Ashley sat up and headed towards the door. I didn't understand why she was going out there but I said nothing.

She pushed Kyla to the side and opened the door. I couldn't see past the heavy door but I could hear the shouting much clearer than before. It was definitely Aiden and my brother fighting out in the hallway. I sat up to try to hear better.

"What the fuck are you doing here man?" I heard Glen yell at Aiden.

"None of your business…" Aiden replied.

"Well since you are here in front of MY sister's room wanting to go inside I think it is very much MY business…"

I hopped off the bed and made my way over as quickly as I could. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Ashley flinch as Aiden spoke to her.

"Ash…I'm sorry…we really need to talk…"

"Stop calling me that…I told you to go home Aiden…so just go…" She had talked to him before this? I wasn't sure what to make of this and just stood there listening some more.

"You heard her man…go…" Glen said loudly.

"I'm not talking to you…" I stepped to where I could see out of the room behind Ashley and saw Aiden take a step towards Ashley.

Glen put his hand on Aiden's chest but Aiden pushed his hand away roughly. Glen put his hand up again and when Aiden pushed his hand away for a second time my brother cracked. I saw his fists clenched and I knew what he was about to do but I said nothing.

"I said to fucking go…" I watched as my brother's fist hit Aiden directly in his nose and watched as Aiden fell to the floor.

I couldn't see what was going on with Aiden but I heard a loud thud against the wall. I heard a groan coming from Aiden as he fell past the door and was kneed by my brother in the stomach. He fell on his side and my brother pushed him on his back.

He bent down to keep Aiden still and his fist continued to beat against Aiden's face. I looked on and inwardly cheered as my brother did what I had wanted to do at prom the minute I found out what Aiden was up to.

"GLEN!" I heard my father yell from the side and heard his footsteps rushing down the hallway. I watched as he pulled Glen off of Aiden and held onto him.

"Dad! Let me kill those bastards…those bastards that killed Clay…I need to kill them…" Glen broke out of my dad's hold and tried to go after Aiden once more. My father was too quick and again brought him into a tight hold. My brother's eyes began to water and the tears were falling off of his face. "Those bastards…" He said one more time sobbing.

"Glen…its ok…its ok…" My father kept saying to Glen trying to get through to him. I saw him look at Aiden and he shook his head slightly. "Aiden…why don't you go get checked out…"

I watched as Aiden spit onto the ground leaving a large glob of red on the floor. He wrapped his arm over his stomach and limped away down the hallway. I couldn't help but smile as he walked away defeated.

I reached out and touched Ashley's arm and she jumped. She turned around and reached out to keep me standing. I let her lead me over to my father and brother and I looked up quickly to see Aiden at the end of the hallway looking back at us with cold eyes. I smiled at him and he scowled back.

I returned my attention back to my family and reached out for Glen. He tensed under my touch but quickly soothed his muscles as he turned and buried his head in my body. He wrapped his arms around my waist and began to cry uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you…I'm sorry I couldn't protect Clay…I'm sorry…"

"Shhh…it's not your fault Glen…it's not your fault…" I stroked his head wanting to help him through all of this.

I watched as Ashley reached out to my father and almost let a tear fall when I saw him smile up at her with a look of thanks.

"Spence…sweetie…I think you should go and lie down some more…" I heard Ashley say as she reached out to lightly touch my back.

I nodded my head and kissed Glen's head softly. He moved his arms away and Ashley and I made our way back to my room.

Ashley helped me back into my bed and lay next to me never saying a word.

"So what happened out there?" I asked wanting to hear what she saw.

"Nothing…" She muttered quickly.

"Ash…if you expect me to trust you…you need to be completely honest with me…"

"I know…" She coughed. "Aiden was here…" She paused for a minute and I held my breath. "He was here to talk to me about what happened…and Glen wouldn't let him inside the room…"

"And then what?" I asked pushing her on.

"Glen stopped Aiden from coming in and hit him…Aiden pushed him up against the wall and then Glen lost it…he kept hitting him Spence…over and over…" I noticed her eyes shut in a sort of painful way but it quickly disappeared.

I wanted to know what Aiden and her had talked about before but I didn't want to do something that would push her too far. She had a tendency of doing irrational things when she was pressured and I wasn't sure what she would do. I just knew that I couldn't chance sending her off into Aiden's arms to find a shoulder to cry on.

"I'm glad…" I said as thoughts of Aiden and Ashley came into my head.

She looked up at me with a confused face. "You're glad for what?"

"That Glen beat the shit out of Aiden…" I couldn't hold back the small grin that had formed on my face remembering how my brother had beat him down.

"Why are you saying that sweetie?"

"I hate Aiden…" I gritted my teeth as I spoke. "I hate him."

Remembering him say that he was still in love with Ashley the night before made tears of anger fall down my face. I should have confronted this a long time ago. I was dumb enough to let the flirting and longful looks continue hoping that it was just in my head. But it was never just in my head. I felt Ashley's warm hand against my face and quickly came back to reality.

I looked down into her beautiful chocolate eyes that were full of sadness. I couldn't be mad at Ashley for any of this. She was there to help me and all I could think of was how much I wanted Aiden to pay for what he had done to us.

"What's wrong with me Ash?" I said letting tears of frustration take over my tears of anger.

"Nothing baby…nothing…" She said in a soothing voice. I knew something was terribly wrong with me and I wasn't sure what it was and it scared me.

I continued to let my tears fall as I felt Ashley's fingers stroke my hair. I needed to find a way to trust her again. I needed to let my feelings of anger go but as every second passed I knew that my anger grew. I wasn't the same person I was before prom began. I had no idea who I was now and what I was capable of doing.


	8. Chapter 8

Howdy! So here's chapter eight! Hope you like it!

* * *

**Author:** Mel  
**Copyright:** 2007  
**Title:** Stay Illogical  
**Rating**: PG-13

**DISCLAIMER:** This is a relationship between two girls if you don't like that sort of thing then please discontinue reading. This chapter deals with a death in the family and how they cope so it's not going to be all sunshine and buttercups.

**Chapter Eight**

I continued to stroke Spencer's hair as she calmed down from the surge of emotion that had overcome her just moments earlier. I heard a soft knock on the door and picked up my head as the door began to open. Mrs. C walked inside and gave me a very clouded expression as she stared at us.

"Sorry…" She said looking away. "I just wanted to see how you were doing sweetie."

Spencer smiled at her mother weakly and Mrs. C made her way over to the bed. She sat down on the opposite side that I was currently occupying and held onto Spencer's hand.

I slid off the bed to sit down in the chair next to her bed and never took my eyes off of Spencer as her mother tried to comfort her.

"Mom…" Spencer said softly. "Did you and Dad make arrangements for Clay?"

Mrs. C held back some tears as she nodded her head at her daughter. "The wake…the wake will be this Wednesday afternoon…and the funeral will be Thursday morning…"

Spencer nodded her head and bit her lip trying to hold back any tears. She cleared her throat and sat up taller against her backrest. "Will I be out of here by then?"

Mrs. C reached out and stroked Spencer's hair softly and smiled. "Of course sweetie…you should be able to go home sometime tomorrow."

My heart was certainly elated at the news that Spencer wouldn't have to spend any more time in this sterile room but I wasn't sure if Spencer was ready to face the world outside without her brother there. I reached for her hand and squeezed softly to let her know that I was still here.

She glanced my way and gave me a small smile. We sat there in silence for a few moments before the door opened and a nurse walked inside.

"Just wanted to let you know that visiting hours will be up shortly." She said looking at me.

I started to panic because I really didn't want to leave Spencer and I looked into her eyes to relay my concern. She reached out and stroked my face letting me know that it would be ok.

I noticed Mrs. C pick up her head and look towards the nurse before standing up. She made her way over to the nurse and whispered something in her ear. I couldn't hear their exchange but from the body language of the nurse she wasn't happy with what she was being told.

The nurse made her way out of the room shortly after Mrs. C took a seat back at Spencer's side. I looked over at her and raised an eyebrow trying to figure out what exactly had just taken place.

"Well….I guess I should be going…" I said standing up slowly.

"Sit…" Mrs. C said sternly with no emotion.

"What?" Spencer and I said looking at one another and back at Mrs. C.

"You don't have to leave Ashley…" She said again with no emotion at all. There wasn't even a hint of anger which was the most surprising thing about it.

"But the nurse just said that visiting hours were nearly up and I don't want to get anyone in trouble…"

Mrs. C let out a deep sigh and looked down at the blanket on the bed. She never lifted her eyes as she continued to speak. "I spoke with the nurse and told her that she would let you stay because I said so…I do have some authority around here…"

Spencer's eyes widened in shock and she squeezed her mother's hand. "Thank you…."

Mrs. C couldn't stand the tension in the room and quickly stood. She kissed Spencer's forehead and began to walk towards the door.

I jumped up and caught up with her lightly touching her arm which made her recoil slightly. "Sorry…I just wanted to say thank you…you really didn't have to do that for me…"

"I didn't do it for you…I did it for Spencer…for some reason she really cares about you and wants you around still…I can't…I already lost one child…I can't lose another…" She whispered to me before leaving me standing there staring blankly at the door.

I took a deep breath and walked back to the bed to sit with Spencer. She opened her arms and I slid next to her wrapping my arms around her body making sure not to squeeze too tightly.

"What did she say to you?" She asked me softly against my forehead. Her breath tickled my face as she breathed in and out slowly.

"That she loves you…"

"Ashley…" She said knowing that I was lying.

"She told me that she was doing this for you…because she didn't want to lose another child…"

I felt her squeeze me tighter and could feel her nod her head. "It probably hurts more when you have to bury a child…I can't imagine what my parents are going through right now…"

"No one should ever have to bury their own child…or their brother…not when they are this young…"

"Yeah…" She pulled back and pushed some of my hair out of my face and stroked my cheek softly. "Yeah…" She said softly leaning forward to kiss my forehead.

I heard my stomach grumble and she chuckled lightly. "Sorry…I haven't eaten anything since last night…"

"Me too…do you want to take me down to the cafeteria to get something to eat?" She said stroking my arm.

"Are you up to it?"

"Sure…I could use some jello…"

"Then my dear you will have your jello…" I slipped off the bed and looked around the room. I found a wheelchair for Spencer to ride in and pushed the chair to the side of her bed. "Your chariot awaits…" I said trying to lighten the mood.

I helped her off the bed and into the seat of the chair. I looked around the room once more and found a robe for Spencer to wear. I came back with the hospital robe and helped her stand up to put it on. I gently placed her back in her chair and began to push her towards the door.

I reached for the doorknob and brought my hand back to the handle of the chair but before I could get it there Spencer grabbed for my hand. She brought it to her lips and kissed my hand softly. I smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head.

"You ready?" I whispered into her ear. She nodded and I began to push her out of the room.

We rounded the corner and found Kyla knocked out on one of the hospital chairs. I pushed Spencer towards my sleeping sister and she reached out placing a hand on Kyla's knee. Kyla jumped in surprise at Spencer's touch and rubbed her eyes trying to clear her vision.

"What…what's happening? Oh Spence…are you ok?" Kyla said quickly.

"I'm fine…we are going to get something to eat…do you want to join us? It's only cafeteria food but we are starving…"

"Yeah…yeah sure…you don't mind do you Ash?" She asked me softly.

"No I don't mind…come on…but before we go…you might want to wash up because you look like shit right now Kyla…" I said jokingly.

Kyla made a face and shook her head. "Thanks…don't leave me here…" She said pointing at us.

"We'll wait…" Spencer said laughing slightly. Her laughter subsided though and I knew she was thinking about the sibling teasing that she would be missing out on.

I bent down and tried to clear her thoughts. "So…I was thinking you might want to go with the red jello…the green jello can be a bit mysterious and I'm not sure we should be experimenting with hospital food…"

"Ok…I'm ready…" Kyla said stepping out of the bathroom.

"Then let's get going shall we?" I said leading us down the hallway to the cafeteria.


	9. Chapter 9

Howdy All! Here's the next chapter in this one….I apologize for the wait. I will try to update more often.

----------------------------------------------------

**Chapter Nine**

We entered the cafeteria which was incredibly silent and made our way over to the machine that had jell-o inside. Ashley pulled out a few bills and handed me a red jell-o and Kyla one as well. She pushed me over to a nearby table and took a seat right next to me while Kyla sat across from us.

I looked at Ashley as she sat awkwardly next to me and I reached out to touch her hand. She let our fingers tangle with one another and sent me a beautiful smile and I smiled weakly back at her.

"Oh my god…I love jell-o…" Kyla exclaimed as she dove into her red gelatin treat. I looked down at my own snack and pushed it around watching it jiggle.

"You're not eating yours…" Ashley said looking down at my snack as well.

"Do you want to share?" I asked softly handing her my spoon. She nodded her head and took a scoop of the jell-o and ate it.

She held out the spoon for me and I took a scoop enjoying the sweet taste in my mouth. I caught a smile out of the corner of my eye and looked at Ashley with a curious glance.

"You have a little…here…" She leaned over and kissed me under my mouth sucking slightly. I shivered under her sudden movement and when she pulled back she looked at me with uncertain eyes.

Kyla coughed and I noticed her shift uncomfortably in her seat. I took my eyes away from Ashley's and heard her sigh as she sat further back in her chair.

"So…Kyla…how are you holding up?" I asked not wanting to have to deal with the tension that was in the air at the moment.

"I should be asking you that…" She said softly. "I mean I'm not the one who was shot…" She quickly shut her mouth when the frown fell on my face.

"Yeah…" I said looking down at the table top. I was now regretting leaving my room because at least in there I could pretend for a moment or two that this was all a dream. Sitting in the cold and partially dark cafeteria was letting the feelings of sadness and loneliness sink in even more.

"Spence?" Ashley asked squeezing my hand lightly. "Are you ok?"

I looked over at her and saw the concern in her eyes and nodded my head. "I'm fine…it's just…I…just…wish this was all a dream…a sick joke that my mind is playing on me…"

"I know sweetie…" She said leaning over to give me a hug.

I held onto her tightly and breathed in her scent because it always made me feel so secure. I couldn't resist the urge to kiss her neck and I felt her sigh heavily as my lips met her skin. She pulled back and rested her head against my own.

"We should head back to your room…" She said standing. I followed her movements as she stood up and took her position behind my wheelchair.

Kyla stood up as well and downed the rest of her jell-o throwing away the trash. She picked up my half-eaten cup and looked at both of us silently asking if we were through. I nodded my head and she threw it away.

We walked in silence back to my room where both Kyla and Ashley helped me back into my bed. Once I was situated, Kyla looked at Ashley and gestured towards the door.

"I'll be right back sweetie…" Ashley said placing a soft kiss to my temple.

Kyla waved a goodbye to me and headed out to the hallway with Ashley in tow. I strained my ears trying to hear any of the conversation Ashley was having with her sister but was having no luck.

After a few minutes, the door opened and Ashley made her way inside. She sat in the chair next to me and reached for my hand. I looked down at her tired face and tugged on her arm letting her know that I wanted her to lie beside me.

She stood and kicked off her shoes. She slid in next to me and wrapped her arms around my waist mimicking the position we were in for most of the day.

The silence was beginning to drive me a little crazy and I wanted to make this twisted reality disappear. I let my hand trail down Ashley's arm and around her back where I found the hem of her shirt. She let out a sigh when my fingers found the skin underneath.

I slid my hand up the back of her shirt tracing her spine and tried to undo her bra. Her breathing was heavier against my chest and I knew she was wanting this as much as me. I pushed her to lie on her back and I slid my other hand down the front of her body in a lightning speed motion.

My hand slid to the top of her jeans quickly unbuttoning them letting the material slacken. I lowered my hand inside when I felt her hand on my wrist stopping me from continuing. I looked at her with frustrated eyes and she looked back at me with hurt eyes.

"No…" She said almost inaudibly. "We can't do this here…not with you hurting…it wouldn't be right"

"And since when did you ever do anything that was right?" I said angrily surprising even myself.

She buttoned up her jeans and let out a deep sigh. I knew that I had hit a nerve and that she was trying to not let it bother her. "You're right Spence…" She slid off the bed and sat back down in the chair beside my bed.

"Ashley…I…didn't mean to sound so harsh…" I said cursing inside my head at how difficult I was making everything. "I just wanted to feel something…"

"I love you Spencer…" She said taking my hand. "I know that you are feeling all kinds of emotions right now but…we don't have to have sex to feel close…" She laughed and I looked at her with a confused stare. "I can't believe that I am turning down sex with you…" She shook her head and let out a deep sigh. "I must really be crazy…"

"No…you're not…" I said reaching to stroke her cheek. "You are perfect…now please…come back…" I looked at her with pleading eyes hoping she would lie down with me again.

"Remember your hands…" She said lightly and I smiled back at her. "Let's keep them above the waist…" She slid in next to me and kissed me softly.

I wrapped my arms around her once more and just held onto her until I felt my eyes begin to close.

--------------------

I pushed Spencer through the cafeteria and looked around to find any working machines. Luckily, there was one machine that had jell-o inside and I headed in that direction. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a few bills to buy the snack.

I placed each bill in the machine and reached inside to get a red jell-o for Spencer and another one for Kyla. We headed over to a table and I took a seat next to Spencer while Kyla plopped down at the other end.

I didn't know what we could talk about since everything seemed to be a touchy subject. Talking about our relationship would inevitably bring up the topic of Aiden and prom night. Talking about anything else would no doubt bring up memories of Clay and would drive Spencer deeper into a saddened mood.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Spencer's hand touched my own. I let our fingers entwine together and I couldn't help but smile at Spencer. She sent me a tired smile in return and I knew that she was still dealing with a mixture of emotions.

"Oh my god…I love jell-o…" I looked at Kyla who was eating hungrily at her jell-o and shook my head slightly at my sister's sudden outburst. I noticed that Spencer had not touched her jell-o and was just pushing it around with her spoon.

"You're not eating yours…" I said still watching her.

"Do you want to share?" She asked holding out her spoon to me. I nodded my head and took a small scoop bringing it to my mouth. The taste was actually quite comforting and my body was grateful that I put something in my belly even if it was just a little treat.

I handed the spoon back to Spencer and she took a scoop eating it slowly. Some of the jell-o had slipped off the spoon and had dribbled underneath Spencer's mouth and I couldn't help but smile when she didn't notice.

She looked over at me with a confused look and I couldn't resist. "You have a little…here…" I leaned over and brought my lips to where the jell-o had fallen and sucked it into my mouth. I felt Spencer shiver and I pulled back realizing that I had pushed her. I looked at her not sure of how she felt about my intimate gesture only a few seconds before.

Our gaze was broken when Kyla coughed and Spencer's eyes looked over in her direction. I let out a sigh and sat back in my chair feeling a bit angry with myself for what I had just done.

Spencer's voice broke through the silence that had taken over the room. "So…Kyla…how are you holding up?"

"I should be asking you that…" My sister said looking at Spencer. "I mean I'm not the one who was shot…" My eyes shot daggers at Kyla for bringing up the subject that I was hoping we could put off at least for this moment.

"Yeah…" Spencer said looking down. I knew she was now thinking about all the harsh realities that she was faced with and I wanted to take all her pain away.

I squeezed her hand as gently as I could. "Spence? Are you ok?"

She looked over at me with her tired blue eyes and nodded her head. "I'm fine…it's just…I…just…wish this was all a dream…a sick joke that my mind is playing on me…"

"I know sweetie…" I pulled her in for a hug trying to comfort her as much as I could.

Her breath was tickling my neck as she pulled me to her tighter. My breath caught when I felt her lips on my neck. I let out a deep sigh at the feeling her kiss had on my body and I pulled back trying to control my emotions. I leaned my head against hers and figured that it was time to get her back to her room so she could rest some more.

"We should head back to your room…" I said standing up and walking behind her wheelchair placing my hands on the handles.

Kyla got up and threw away her trash after finishing off her jell-o. She gestured towards the partially eaten jell-o Spencer and I had been sharing picking it up and Spencer nodded her head answering my sister's silent question.

I pushed Spencer back through the quiet halls of the hospital and into her room. Kyla helped me lift Spencer into the bed careful not to put too much pressure on her back. I looked at Kyla and she motioned with her head to the door.

I leaned over and placed a kiss on Spencer's temple. "I'll be right back sweetie…"

I followed Kyla towards the door and out into the hallway. I closed the door to the room and leaned against it looking at my sister. She stood shifting her weight from foot to foot.

"So…" I said not sure what was weighing on her mind. "Are you going to head back to the house?"

She nodded and looked up at me with sad eyes. I couldn't read her thoughts and wanted to know what was bothering her.

"Kyla…what is it?"

"Don't be mad at me…" She said looking down again. "But…I miss him…"

I shook my head knowing who she was talking about. "Look…this is your life…as your sister who cares more about you than he ever will I will say this once and only once…he's not good enough for you…and never will be…" I said angrily as I thought about my ex-best friend.

"I know…" She said quietly. "I just can't get rid of my feelings for him…"

"If you decide to go back to him…" I took a deep sigh. "I won't stop you…but all he's going to do is hurt you…"

She nodded her head knowing that I was right. I pulled her into a hug and she held onto me tightly.

"I have to get back…" I said pulling away. "Here are my keys…" I said handing her the keys to my car. "I'll call you tomorrow."

She nodded and walked with her head down out towards the front of the hospital. I closed my eyes and sighed heavily. I couldn't believe that she still wanted Aiden in her life after what he had done but it wasn't my mistake to make. I knew that he would hurt her again but I wasn't going to be around to watch. Spencer was my one and only priority and I would be damned to let him try to ruin anything again.

I opened the door and headed back into Spencer's room. I took a seat next to Spencer's bed and held onto her hand. Spencer tugged on my arm urging me to join her in her bed.

I removed my shoes and slid in beside her lying my arm around her waist. She wrapped her arms around me and held onto me tightly.

I felt Spencer's hand make its way down my arm finally reaching behind me. Her fingertips glided against the skin on my back and I let out a sigh at the soft touch.

Her hand slid further up my back and eventually found the clasp of my bra. She tried to undo the bra with one hand but was having little success. I felt my heart beat race as I kept thinking of how much I wanted to be with her at that moment. She pushed on my shoulders so that I was lying on my back. I barely had time to react when Spencer's hand slid down the front of my body to the button of my jeans.

She undid the button and began to slide her hand inside the material. A slight panic went through my body when her hand moved inside and I reached for her hand stilling her motions. She looked at me with almost angry eyes and I looked back unsure of what to do.

"No…" I said underneath my breath knowing that we couldn't go any further. "We can't do this here…not with you hurting…it wouldn't be right"

"And since when did you ever do anything that was right?" She said with such anger that it felt like I had been slapped across the face. She had never spoken to me as harshly as that and I was in slight shock.

I fixed my jeans and sighed. "You're right Spence…" I wasn't sure what to do so I slid off the bed and sat down in the chair once more.

"Ashley…I…didn't mean to sound so harsh…" She said as I looked at the creases of the blanket on the bed. "I just wanted to feel something…"

"I love you Spencer…" I took her hand wanting her to know that I wasn't going anywhere. "I know that you are feeling all kinds of emotions right now but…we don't have to have sex to feel close…" I knew how dumb that sounded and laughed. She looked at me with a curious glance and I voiced what I was thinking. "I can't believe that I am turning down sex with you…" I sighed and shook my head. I mean this had to be a first for me but it just didn't feel right. "I must really be crazy…"

"No…you're not…" She said touching my cheek. I closed my eyes at the feeling of her fingers on my face. "You are perfect…now please…come back…" I glanced up at her and saw her eyes begging me.

"Remember your hands…" I said joking wanting to lighten the mood somewhat and she smiled at me. "Let's keep them above the waist…" I slid into the bed again and kissed her letting her know that I wasn't mad at her.

She wrapped her arms around me and we lay silent for awhile. I heard light snores coming from her direction and I pushed a strand of blonde hair out of her eyes. She looked so peaceful and I leaned forward kissing her lightly. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Howdy! Ok here's the next chapter…I still haven't written the next chapter for this one so an update may take awhile…sorry in advance…ok enjoy!

--------------------------------------------------

**Chapter Ten**

"Excuse me…Miss…" I heard coming from my side as I lay in Spencer's arms. "Miss…"

I groaned and opened my eyes slowly turning my body towards the voice. I regained focus and saw the nurse from the day before standing next to the bed. I rubbed my eyes and sat up on the side of the bed. I looked back at Spencer and saw her still sleeping soundly and I smiled at how peaceful she looked especially after all she had been through.

"I'm sorry to wake you but we need to do one more exam before we can release Ms. Carlin." The nurse said in a calm voice.

I nodded my head and turned back to Spencer leaning down to kiss her softly on the lips. She began to mumble and I couldn't help but laugh at how cute she sounded.

"Spence…baby…you need to wake up." I said pushing a strand of hair out of her face. I leaned down again and kissed her trying to wake her up. I pulled back and heard a low groan coming from her mouth.

When I looked back at the nurse I felt a pair of hands begin to slide up my shirt reaching for my breasts. I snapped my head back around and saw Spencer's eyes still shut but her hands moving like they were on a mission. I saw the nurse turn her head really quickly and I reached down to still Spencer's hands.

"Ummm…Spence?" I said leading her hands out of my shirt. "Spence? I thought I told you about your hands!" I said playfully poking her in the side.

Her eyes popped open and looked at me trying to focus. She saw that her fingers were still touching my skin and she began to blush deeply.

"I'm sorry…" She said looking down.

"It's ok…I just needed you to get up so that they can check you out. You would like to go home wouldn't you?" I said holding Spencer's hands in my own.

"Yeah…" She took a deep breath and I knew she was thinking of Clay. I squeezed her hands and smiled at her. She smiled back at me and tried to not think about her brother's death.

"Good." I said kissing her softly.

The nurse stepped forward and started to look at Spencer's chart. She turned towards me with apologetic eyes. "I'm afraid you will need to leave the room for a little bit while we take a look at Ms. Carlin."

I nodded my head in understanding and turned towards Spencer. "Spence…I'm going to be right outside. I love you." I said loving the way it sounded and the reaction it brought from her lovely face.

She reached up and stroked my cheek softly. "I…I…" She looked down and I knew she was having a hard time saying those three words to me again. As much as I had thought we had moved forward I knew that it would take time to fully get back to the level we had been in before prom night.

I leaned forward and kissed her softly. I stood up and headed towards the door. I opened the door and stepped out and thought I heard Spencer say "I love you" multiple times but wasn't sure.

I closed the door and returned to my hospital chair from before. I sat for what seemed hours as the doctor went inside to check on Spencer. I let out a deep sigh and leaned my head in my hands.

"Coffee?" I heard from in front of me. I looked up and saw Mr. C. standing there with two cups of fresh coffee in his hands.

"Thank you." I said taking one of the drinks from his hands. I took a sip and sighed at how wonderful the hot liquid felt going through my body.

"So how are things between you and Spencer?" He said taking a seat next to mine.

"Better…" I said not really wanting to go into too much detail with Spencer's father. I trusted that he would look at the situation objectively but Spencer was still his daughter and a father's love was strong. I thought to the last few days with my father and a sadness took over me.

"Are you ok?" Mr. C. asked placing a hand on my shoulder.

I nodded and took another sip of coffee. I let my fingers tap along the side of the Styrofoam cup as the seconds continued to pass.

"Ashley…I want you to know that I am here for you to talk to alright?" He said squeezing my shoulder.

"I know Mr. C. I really do appreciate how wonderful you are to me. Right now I just have to work through some things on my own before I can tell someone else." I said staring at my fingers intently.

"I understand." He said letting go of my shoulder. He sat back and just let a comfortable silence fill the air.

The door opened and I stood up anxiously looking at the nurse hoping that everything checked out all right. I wanted Spencer out of this hospital as soon as possible so that she could go back home and begin healing her emotional scars.

The nurse and doctor stepped out of the room and looked at Mr. C. "Mr. Carlin…Spencer is doing very well. She seems to be more rested now and she is free to go as soon as you sign these papers." He handed a chart to Mr. C. and Mr. C. looked over the papers signing each where it was marked.

He handed the chart back to the doctor and the doctor nodded his head before moving down the hallway.

Mr. C. turned to me and I looked at him wondering what was going on in his head. He smiled and gave me a hug. "Well…let me go in there and talk to her for a little bit and then would you mind taking her home for us? Paula and I still need to speak with the funeral director about the service and Glen is not in the best condition to be driving."

I smiled widely and nodded. "I would love to take Spencer home for you…" I suddenly remembered that I didn't have my car and frowned. "I can't…I don't have my car…"

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a key. "Here…you can take our car. We will be leaving later and will just call you when we need a ride."

I stared at the key in my hand in disbelief. He was actually trusting me enough to drive his car and to take his daughter home.

"I trust you." He said seeing the doubt in my eyes. "I'll be right out."

He opened the door and disappeared inside. I sat back down and began to move the key along my knuckles. After a few minutes, Mr. C. left the room and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"She's ready to go…I would very much like it if you could please join us for dinner tonight. I think it would be great for Spencer to have you there."

I nodded my head and stood wrapping my arms around him. "Thank you."

Mr. C. pulled back and smiled once more before heading off. I watched as he made his way through the double doors and disappeared.

I opened the door and stepped back inside to find Spencer sitting on her bed in a pair of jeans and a loose t-shirt. I walked towards her and sat down next to her. She leaned her head against my shoulder and I kissed the top of her head.

"Thank you…" I heard coming from Spencer. I raised my head and turned her face towards my own.

"What for?" I said looking deep into her blue eyes.

"For being here…" She sighed and lowered her eyes. "After I pushed you, you still stayed with me. So…thank you…"

I reached for her hand and held it up to my chest. "You could never push me away…I'm like Super Glue baby…once I am on you I do not come off!"

"Nice analogy." She said smiling widely.

I shrugged my shoulders and winked. "Yeah wasn't too shabby huh?"

"No not at all." She said sarcastically.

"Now I think that we should get out of here." I said standing up. I held out my hand and Spencer took it sliding off the bed. She leaned against me and I stilled her wobbly body.

Once she was comfortable walking, we began to make our way to the door. I opened it for her and then I reached for her arm as we made our way out. She looked up at me with a confused look and I smiled.

"You know…your dad gave me the keys to his car to take you home. How bout we do a little joyriding?" I said smiling mischievously.

"You know technically its not joyriding when you get permission to drive it." She said ruining my fun.

"You always have to be so literal huh?" I said pouting.

"Come on Ash…take me home." She said sliding her arm through mine.

"Don't have to tell me twice." I said grinning as we took each step.

"No it's more like we have to tell you six times before you even begin to think about it." She poked me in the side and I gave her a stern glare. We made our way out to the car and we headed back to the Carlin house.

--------------------

"Spencer I love you…" Ashley said while we walked along the beach. She and I were the only ones around and the atmosphere was so light and carefree.

She had her hand in my own and I loved the feeling of her thumb tracing circles along my hand. I would glance over at times to see the sun hitting her face just right making her glow.

We ended up by the pier and we sat down looking out at the water. I leaned my head on her shoulder and just sighed as we listened to the waves hit the shore. I didn't want to move and neither did she.

She turned my head and lowered her lips down kissing me softly. I smiled and kissed her back just as softly.

"You're so beautiful Ashley…I'm so lucky to have you."

She smiled again and kissed me once more. "Spence…baby…you need to wake up…"

I looked at her with a confused face not knowing what she was talking about. I pulled her in for another kiss and let my hands make their way across her perfect stomach. They trailed higher and higher reaching for her perfect breasts just wanting to feel them.

Her hands covered my wrists and lowered them down her body and to the side. "Umm…Spence?"

I wondered why she had stopped my hands and wondered if she didn't want me like I thought she did. I looked at her intently trying to read her beautiful brown eyes but finding no answers.

"Spence? I thought I told you about your hands!" She said smiling.

----

I felt a poke in my side and the images began to fade as I opened my eyes looking at a now blurry Ashley. I looked down and saw my fingers lying underneath her shirt and I realized that we were still in the hospital. I started to blush when I noticed that we weren't alone in the room.

"I'm sorry…" I said unsure of what I had done while I had been asleep. Hoping that it wasn't anything too embarrassing.

"It's ok…I just needed you to get up so that they can check you out. You would like to go home wouldn't you?" Ashley said holding my hands tightly in her own.

"Yeah…" I couldn't help but take a deep breath knowing that when I walked into the house nothing would be the same. I dreaded having to walk past Clay's door to find it empty and quiet. To see all his things lined up neatly and his books ready for school. The images would be too much for me and I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

I felt a squeeze on my hands and looked at Ashley who smiled warmly at me. I didn't want to let those thoughts take over me and I pushed them to the back of my mind. I smiled back at Ashley wanting to feel like my old self again.

"Good." Ashley said leaning down to kiss me softly. I loved the way her lips felt and I closed my eyes.

I felt a movement across the room and opened my eyes to see the nurse looking at my chart. She looked towards Ashley and I could see a look of apology written across her face. "I'm afraid you will need to leave the room for a little bit while we take a look at Ms. Carlin."

Ashley nodded and returned her focus back to me. "Spence…I'm going to be right outside. I love you." I couldn't help but blush hearing her say those words. This time I knew she meant it and I wanted to make her feel just as loved.

I let my hand find her cheek and stroke it softly. "I…I…" I couldn't say it for the life of me. I felt it in all my body but for some reason my mouth would not say those three words. I looked down ashamed that I couldn't say what I wanted to especially since I had said to her those same exact three words only the day before.

Ashley kissed me softly and stood up heading towards the door. She opened the door and stepped out.

As she made her way over, I couldn't help but whisper to her what I had wanted to say just a few moments ago. "I love you Ashley…I love you….I…love you." When the door clicked shut I let out a sigh not knowing if she had heard me or not.

The nurse looked me over and checked my wound on my back. She made a few notes and we waited for the doctor to come by.

"How long have you two been together?" The nurse asked me as we waited.

"For a little while…" I said unsure if I wanted to talk to a complete stranger about my relationship.

"You two are very lucky…" I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "I mean not to be here…I mean because you two look very much in love…that's something very rare to have."

"Thank you." I said looking towards the door where I was sure Ashley was waiting.

The doctor came inside and checked me over once more. He said I was ready to go home and let me know that he would have my father sign the release papers once he left the room. I nodded and he handed me a bag that was sitting on the table. The nurse and doctor walked towards the door and headed outside.

I looked inside the bag and pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that my parents had brought me. I slid the clothes on and sat on the side of the bed.

After a few minutes, I noticed the door open and my father step through. He smiled at me and walked over taking a seat beside me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me softly.

"Better…I actually was able to sleep last night…" I admitted softly. "I didn't have any nightmares like before."

He placed an arm around my shoulder and kissed my forehead. "I'm glad to hear that. I know this is going to be hard on you but we can pull through this together. You have your mother, me, Glen…and Ashley here to help you."

I nodded and sighed knowing that he was right. "I've been wrong about her Dad."

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow not knowing what I was talking about.

"I have been so unsure of her feelings about me…but…she really does love me. I guess I was scared that she would run…." I said looking down at my hands.

"But she hasn't." He said turning my head towards him. "I don't think she's planning to either. Just let things go at their own pace. Don't rush to find the solutions because you will only create more problems."

I nodded my head and wrapped my arms around him. We sat for a few more moments, and finally he stood up.

"Let me send Ashley back in. She's getting kind of anxious waiting out there. I'll take care of your bag." He said before stepping out.

I watched him leave wondering why he told me he would take care of my bag. My thoughts subsided when Ashley reappeared at the doorway.

She walked towards me and sat down. I wanted to feel her body and so I lowered my head to rest comfortably on her shoulder. I felt her lips touch my skin as she kissed my head and I closed my eyes.

"Thank you…" I said softly as I leaned against her. She turned my face to look at her trying to read my eyes.

"What for?"

"For being here…" I felt guilty for the way I had treated her and I sighed looking down. "After I pushed you, you still stayed with me. So…thank you…"

She brought my hand to her chest and I could feel her heartbeat beating faster. "You could never push me away…I'm like Super Glue baby…once I am on you I do not come off!"

"Nice analogy." I couldn't help but smile at what she said because it was the sweetest thing I had heard even if it was a somewhat odd analogy.

She shrugged and winked at me putting my mind at ease. "Yeah wasn't too shabby huh?"

"No not at all." I said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Now I think that we should get out of here." She stood up and held out her hand to me. I took her hand and slid off the bed leaning on Ashley for some support.

I gathered my balance and we began to head towards the door. Ashley held the door open for me and reached for my arm. I looked at her oddly wondering who was planning on taking me home and why Ashley was the one walking me out. She looked back at me with a huge smile and I finally figured out that she was my ride.

"You know…your dad gave me the keys to his car to take you home. How bout we do a little joyriding?" I saw her Cheshire cat smile as her eyes twinkled.

"You know technically its not joyriding when you get permission to drive it." I said with a smile.

"You always have to be so literal huh?" She pouted and I smiled loving how cute she was when she did that.

"Come on Ash…take me home." I said sliding my arm through hers.

"Don't have to tell me twice." She said as we made our way to the front. I noticed the huge grin on her face as we moved.

"No it's more like we have to tell you six times before you even begin to think about it." I poked her in her side and she gave me an intense look, which I couldn't help but love. I took a deep breath as we made our way to the car and back to the house where I wasn't sure if I could still call it home, not after everything had changed.


	11. Chapter 11

Hey Everyone! I know I have some readers out there who really want me to continue with these stories. As of right now I am swamped with Law School classes and a major paper I need to write. I appreciate all the responses and will try to get back on track with these stories towards the beginning of the summer. I was pretty bummed to hear about South's impending cancellation and hope that something positive can come out of it all. I just wanted to let everyone know that I haven't forgotten about my stories and will continue to write once I get a chance to sit down and just focus. Thanks again for all your support!

Mel


End file.
